


Get In and Get Out

by babytobin_horse



Category: Women's Soccer RPF
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-05-09
Updated: 2014-06-27
Packaged: 2018-05-07 09:15:56
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 22,365
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5451410
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/babytobin_horse/pseuds/babytobin_horse
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Alex and Tobin are known for breaking hearts left and right, but what happens when they begin to break each others?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Part 1

**Author's Note:**

> wrote this fic awhile ago with eyeslikehoneymaple, but never got around to posting it on here so...if case you haven't read it - enjoy :)

 

_What was last night?_

Tobin blinks hard against the piercing sunlight slipping through the blinds of the window.

_These aren’t my shee–oh, right._

Tobin’s thoughts are stilled by the sight of the body next to hers. The light blue linen draped over the brunette’s hips leaves her back exposed to the rays of sunlight dancing through the glass. Her tank top is scrunched up and there’s an expanse of tan skin exposed to the warmth of the sun.  Tobin’s eyes run up and down the lines of the younger girl next to her but as she does, she slowly begins to rememberwhat last night actually was and how she ended up in a heap of blue sheets.

She swallows hard against the lump in her throat and the pounding of her temples. With the realization of what happened, Tobin gingerly slips out of the bed, tripping over a pair of shorts with the name “Pinoe” written in sharpie on the tag. Tobin finds it amusing enough to almost laugh at, but a small breath out of the other girl’s mouth reminds Tobin that she’s certainly not alone.

_But maybe—_

The brown eyed girl stops. Her head turning as she lets herself doubt her initial plan of escape, and instead entertains the thought of staying. Maybe if she were to stay things would be okay, maybe things would be better than just okay, things would amazing. The midfielder chews on her bottom lip before turning the rest of her body. She lets her feet lead her to the other girl’s side of the bed, her eyes meeting the closed ones of her counterpart.

_“You’re so beautiful.”_

The compliment rings just as loud now as it did hours ago. Her mind replaying the moment the blue eyed striker’s eyes met hers and how her lips moved as she let those two words out in a whisper. Tobin feels her breath hitch once again. She remembers how close Alex was, she feels the hairs on the back of her neck rise as she remembers the way Alex’s breath washed over her face with their close proximity. She fights with her mind for a second, trying to figure out if Alex’s face was inches away or centimeters away, eventually Tobin figures it doesn’t matter, all that does is the fact that she was there.

_“You’re perfect.”_

The midfielder can feel her heart thump harder as memories of last night slowly make themselves known.

_“We could be perfect together, you and me.”_

The idea is so tempting that Tobin almost decides that staying might not be a bad idea at all, but then her thoughts, her natural instincts kick in. She begins to panic. Her heart is no longer just thumping harder but it’s also thumping faster. The white walls begin to get smaller and her fears of the girl lying in bed waking up cause her legs to move on their own.

“Seriously?” Tobin hisses when she feels her pocket buzz. She stops her escape once again to let her heart begin beating once more and to check her phone.

**Hannah** : 8:17am: “Good morning, gorgeous. Where were you last night? Missed you ;)”

Before closing the message, Tobin realizes that she’s missed a few things.

**Hannah** **:**  12:20am: Missed Call

**Mckenzie** : 2:13am: “Are you busy? Wanna hang out?”

**Jamie** : 2:58am: “Did you seriously fall asleep on me, Heath? Not cute.”

Suddenly, something familiar hits Tobin. She looks toward the mirror and takes in the view of herself; her back is slouched, eyes wide in slight panic, and overall body language is poor, insecure. She furrows her eyebrows and for a second questions what she’s doing, why was she so scared? She looks over her shoulder for the second time that morning and something different catches her eye.

**“Beautiful”(Riley)** : 8:25am: “Good morning, my beautiful Alex. Still down for our date later today? I’ve got something special planned.”

Tobin curls her toes into the fuzzy carpet beneath her and sets her jaw. From her place a few feet away from the nightstand, she can read what Alex’s message says and it’s all she needs to remind her who they are.

The brown eyed girl straightens her back and lifts her chin. She steels her face and with a set jaw, twists the knob of Pinoe’s room and leaves Alex to wake up alone.

_You’re so stupid for thinking that she was being serious._

Tobin’s thoughts sting her throat as she makes her way through her friends house.

_You know she would never mean it. Hell, you would never mean it. It’s not in your nature, in either of your natures. Get in and get out, that’s the motto isn’t it?_

Funny, moments of laughter fill her memory as she sees flashbacks of when she and Alex would repeat the five worded motto before every date or potential “fling”. It leaves a bad taste on her tongue, almost bad enough that she lets go of the words Alex gushed to her the night before.

Almost.

A part of Tobin still holds the words closer than she would have ever expected to, even with the knowledge of who she and Alex were.

Tobin Heath and Alex Morgan. The best friends since Tobin moved to Diamond Bar in 7th grade.

Tobin Heath and Alex Morgan. Town soccer stars, sure to make it Pro some day.

Tobin Heath and Alex Morgan. Resident player and heartbreaker.

–

These sheets don’t feel familiar to Alex’s skin. It takes her a moment to realize this isn’t actually her bed and that the sun’s light is beginning to force its way through the blinds.

_Where am I?_

She inhales the pillow, but no familiar scents come to her. Slowly, she forces her eyes to open and it takes a few moments of blinking to finally give her a reasonable amount of vision. Somehow her body feels cold and she knows it’s not the fact that she doesn’t have a shirt on. Slowly, she turns to see the other side of the bed, but finds it empty.

_Great, who’d I hook up with this time?_

Last night’s events aren’t coming to Alex. She decides to lay on her back and stare at the ceiling as she gathers her thoughts. She then recognizes the room as Pinoe’s and almost laughs. Whatever happened, she wonders if it was between her and her teammates.

_“Tobin, if we did things, we’d do it right.”_

Alex lets out an audible gasp as her words echo in her mind. What was that from? Who was in here with her? It wasn’t Tobin, was it? She’s suddenly racking her brain to find more memories from the previous night, but nothing’s coming up. Not until she closes her eyes and can feel Tobin’s fingers caressing her cheek and her best friend’s face mere inches away from her own.

_“If I could start it all over again, I’d be with you.”_

As flashes pop up into her mind, the blue-eyed is suddenly becoming overwhelmed. The memories are too fuzzy to decipher, and Alex isn’t even sure if any of them were memories at all. She remembers somehow getting to this bedroom, but she doesn’t remember who was with her.

It wasn’t Tobin. It couldn’t be.

When the two of them got drunk, they’d always go for other people. Even if they did stick together, they’d talk nonsense until one of them passed out. That’s the way it had always been between them. Alex rolls over onto her stomach so she can reach her phone. Once she does, she reads the first message she can see clearly.

_Oh. Riley…_

She nods to herself, feeling confident that whatever was happening in her mind was just a dream. She quickly types back a reply, confirming the date for later on. Yet she doesn’t want to go. The forward knows it’ll be a quick thing: date, hook up, onto the next one. It’s the same routine she’s been familiar with for a while. Sometimes if she was more interested, she’d stick around for a little longer than usual, but never attached. Never.

_“Just so gorgeous…”_

Alex quickly shuts down what her mind is feeding her.

_It’s a dream. Just a dream._

She’d never share those thoughts with anyone. Alex has barely allowed herself to accept those thoughts, so there’s no way in hell she’d tell Tobin, not even if they were drunk. She and Tobin are best friends, and they’d never work.

Alex breaks hearts. Tobin plays them. Alex doesn’t want to hurt Tobin, and Tobin doesn’t want to hurt Alex. It was perfectly fine that way and Alex didn’t see a point in changing anything about it. If ever together, they’d destroy each other. They weren’t meant to be.

So Alex’s thoughts are always silenced.

She gets up slowly, realizing that she is indeed clothed, meaning no hooking up. But her lips still seem like they’re on fire. For some reason they burn and Alex wants them to keep burning. Somehow she’s still cold. It’s not because she’s dressed in nothing more than an old-shirt and shorts. She feels strange, like there had been warmth beside her. Something touched her and ignited a flame, and without it she was no longer warm.

The forward takes a quick look at herself in the mirror. Something’s different. Her blue eyes seem less intense, more softer. They’re almost a baby blue or a calm blue-almost-grey. It’s not a big change, but it’s big enough for the girl to notice. She sighs, straightening her posture and flipping her hair a few times to make sure it looks presentable. Though everything else is normal, Alex’s eyes betray her. She wants to blame the alcohol, but she’s not sure she can.

Yet Alex manages to shake it off, holding her head high as she grabs her phone and leaves the room.

She has a date to get ready for.

–

The breeze is light and carries a faint hint of the flowers next to the Church’s entrance. Sadly, it isn’t enough to brighten Tobin’s spirits. Her hands are in her pockets and her thoughts are somewhere in the clouds.

_“You’d be anyone’s dream girl, so why is it so surprising that you’re mine?”_

The brown eyed girl winces at the memory.She curses herself for the longing feeling that tugs at her chest when she thinks of how Alex’s eyes were practically begging for her to understand that she was being serious, even through her drunken haze. She feels something in her chest drop to her stomach as she tries to push every memory from the night before out of mind. It’s not enough though, she could do all the pushing she wants but it still wouldn’t stop the oncoming smile on her lips.

Tobin, stop. She was drunk, you were buzzed. She probably thought you were some girl she could put her moves on.

She tries convincing herself of the lies she’d heard but it’s again, not enough. She bites her bottom lip, trying her best to keep the small grin from bursting into a full out smile. She glances to her left and notices that her little brother is watching her, watching as she contorts her face in internal conflict.

“Whatcha lookin’ at punk?” Tobin laughs, watching as Jeffery just rolls his eyes and laughs.

“Mom and dad said that we’re eating at some steak place, but dad’s talking to some of your booster club people from school, so I doubt we’ll be leaving anytime soon.” He glares, his smile breaking the mock annoyance. Tobin nods, she looks over to her father to see that he is in fact talking with one of the mothers apart of the soccer teams booster club. She lets her eyes soak in the image of the woman and she can’t help but think of the things they share—eyes, nose, hair, ski—no. Tobin shakes her head trying to break the forming thoughts linking together in her mind. She decides to look away before her thoughts grow, or worse, they find her staring.

Too late.

“Tobin! I knew you were around here somewhere, sweetheart!” The light rasp doesn’t surprise Tobin, but it certainly sends a shiver down her spine.

_It’s not the same person Tobs, it’s not the same rasp, hers is definitely raspier. Calm down and don’t look like an idiot._

Tobin tells herself as Mrs. Morgan approaches her, arms open for a hug.

“Hey Mrs. M!” Tobin smiles, hugging Alex’s mother back.

“It’s been what? Four–Five years now? And you still aren’t calling me Pam!” She laughs, looking over her shoulder to share her laughter with Tobin’s parents.

“Sorry, I think it’s weird to call an adult by their first name.” Tobin accidentally blurbs. Realizing that she’s said it aloud, her eyes go wide and she tries apologizing but Mrs. Morgan brushes it off saying, “Any child having trouble calling an adult by their first name was just bred well enough to understand the possibility of disrespect. So you’re fine sweetheart, your momma and daddy bred you well. My Alex on the other hand? Hah!” Tobin’s eyebrows furrow in confusion and before she can do anything, she again blurbs out,

“Alex is a great gir–

“Tobin, I was joking.” Mrs. Morgan smiles before giving Tobin a once-over. “Are you alright? You’re one of the only youngins who can keep up with my jokes, what’s going on?” She asks and Tobin fears that everything from the night before is beginning to appear on her skin for Mrs. Morgan to read. She takes a step back and tells her she’s fine. She takes another step back before she turns on her heel and walks toward the garden near the side of the church.

_Tobin, last night was nothing. Last night was phase one of heartbreak by the heartbreaker. She didn’t know who you were, she was drunk. She thought you were another fly in her web, she didn’t know you were you_.

Tobin swallows down her thoughts, hoping that’ll be enough for her body to agree with them, but it isn’t. She knows no matter what she tells herself, there’s a part of her heart that is holding onto hope. Tobin wants nothing more than to kill it.

_Hope is dangerous Tobin. Hope leads to disappointment and Alex would never disappoint you, so don’t give her a reason to._

With that thought, Tobin walks off to find her family, the stain-glass image of Mother Mary watching her as she walks off. Tobin’s too far from the glass image now to overhear the conversation of two older patrons of her parish.

“It’s amazing, this piece has been together for so many years.” An older man marvels, looking from the stained glass image to an older woman. She slowly reaches for his hand, finding that he’s reaching too. They hold onto one another as she replies to his statement.

“It is the image of Blessed Mary Mother of Hope, Gary, something things preserve themselves.”

Catching up with her family, Tobin sees that Alex’s mom is still talking with her family, only that her entire family has now joined the mix–everyone but Alex.

“Tobin!” Jen smiles, throwing her arms around Tobin’s shoulders. “Where’d you run off to? You literally just missed Alex!” Jen pouts for the younger girl.

“Just missed her? Where’d she go?” Tobin asks, a little concerned, their families always have Sunday lunch together. Jen lets go of Tobin and flips her hair,

“She said something about going on a date later today and that she needed to get ready for it, etcetera etcetera, you know Alex.” She smiles, winking at Tobin when she says that her baby sister has gone on another date this weekend. Tobin nods, her stomach twisting with an unfamiliar feeling.

“So she skipped family lunch for… a date?” Tobin asks, tasting each words as it passes through her lips, wincing as she realizes what this unfamiliar feeling was.

“Is that… jealousy I hear in your voice Tobs?” Jerri, Alex’s other older sister, asks, donning a smirk on her face as she eyes Tobin carefully. Tobin raises an eyebrow at the middle Morgan sister and smiles,

“Well yeah,” Tobin admits, “If she was allowed to leave for a date then doesn’t that mean I can too?” Jerri and Jen exchange glances with one another and then with Tobin’s own sisters and the four girls start laughing.

“You would have a date today.” Jefferey rolls his eyes, “Too bad, Sunday lunch is family time.” The ten year old presses, earning a pat on the back from his father.

“That’s right Tobin, us first, everyone else second, remember?” Mr. Heath smiles with a risen eyebrow.

“Are you sure it’s not, everyone else first, sunday lunch second?” Tobin teases her father, knowing that he understands it’s just a joke.

The two families slowly leave the church grounds and move to their separate cars after agreeing on what restaurant they would be going to. Tobin’s eyes are locked on the blurring images of the town around her. Diamond Bar had always been quiet, but Tobin likes to see past the silence. She likes hearing the roar of nature and the crash of the ocean, she likes listening to the whispers of the breeze and the whistles in the wind, but right now, all she can hear are her thoughts at odds with one another. She listens as every part in her is screaming “I told you so”.

_What are you doing?_

She asks herself.

_You’re Tobin Heath. You don’t cry over anyone or anything. Remember Tobin, get in and get out, right? You and Alex were nothing and could never be anything. On to the next one._

And just like that, Tobin brushes off Alex Morgan like she were dust on her shoulder. She reads through her texts for the first time since church let out and smirks at the places she’s been invited to. She replies to each of her friends, telling them that she’ll definitely be at Laure Boulleau’s party tonight, thankful that this was going to be a party with all new faces, faces she’s never met before. Satisfied, Tobin silences her phone and closes her eyes to the light around her and decides to rest on the ride to the restaurant, now that she’s gotten her thoughts in order maybe she can finally turn her mind off for a while.

Last night was Pinoe’s house, today was Laure and Tobin couldn’t wait to have a night to replace the previous one.

–

Alex skips through the hall, any doubt of the other night gone as she makes a beeline for her best friend’s locker. She’d managed to tell herself that whatever she thought happened was a dream  and soon enough she believed it. She tosses her hair behind her shoulder before coming to a stop.

“Hey Tobs,” the forward smiles, leaning her shoulder against the lockers next to her. “Miss me at Sunday lunch?” There’s a slight smirk to her lips as she watches Tobin place a notebook into her locker.

The older girl turns and gives her friend and unimpressed expression. Alex can’t help but notice how adorable she looks as she does it.

_Cut it out, Alex. She’s your best friend. Saturday night was a dream. Everything’s normal._

“Can’t believe you ditched me,” Tobin frowns, mock hurt in her expression.

She’s trying to stay relaxed and normal. Saturday night replays in her head once again and it makes her stomach do crazy things. But Alex seems unmoved by anything that happened. She’s her normal self and it stings Tobin because it just proves that those words meant nothing to her best friend. They were sweet little things that she said to get any girl in bed.

_It was a drunken mistake. She didn’t know what she was saying, she meant nothing by it_.

Alex giggles, but then rolls her eyes as a groan escapes her lips. “Neither can I, to be honest,” she admits. “I would’ve rather been at lunch.”

At this, the midfielder’s eyebrow quirks. “What? You didn’t get any?” Tobin’s only teasing, but it’s sort of forced. She doesn’t want to know all the details of Alex’s fling yesterday, but she’s too curious to not ask. The next thing she feels is a light smack on her shoulder. “Ow.”

There’s a pout on Alex’s lips as she twists a strand of hair around her finger. “Shut up. The date itself wasn’t even good. It was so lame Tobs, I swear I could take myself on a better date.”

Tobin laughs, and the sound of it immediately causes Alex’s lips to turn upwards. “Alex Morgan dating herself…now that’s something I’d like to see.”

It earns Tobin another slap, but Alex is laughing now, too. She’s relaxed around Tobin, always is and always has been. This is the only person who she doesn’t have to worry about hurting because they’d never go for each other. No matter what Alex’s deepest most sacred thought wanted to say.

“But really though,” Alex groans. “Such a drag.”

The midfielder chuckles softly, grabbing a pencil and notebook before shutting her locker. “Time for a new one?”

The younger girl nods in confirmation with a knowing look. “Get in and get out.”

“But you didn’t even get in yesterday,” Tobin points out, now just wanting to push Alex’s buttons.

Alex glares at her, but there’s a hint of a smile on her lips. “Asshole. Where are your girls?”

Tobin shrugs. “Somewhere? I don’t know. I’m not keeping track - I could care less.”

The two share a laugh as Alex slowly begins to walk backwards, keeping her eyes on Tobin who’s making faces at her. They’re giggling like fools for another moment until Alex runs into someone behind her.

The blue-eyed girl turns around, ready to give a sassy remark, but stops short when she takes a look at who she ran into. She’s momentarily speechless by the sight of a tall, tanned girl she’s never seen before. Her hair’s brown and falls just past her shoulders with eyes that have Alex biting her lip as soon as she gets a good look at them.

“Oh my god, I’m so sorry,” the newcomer apologizes with a nervous smile on her face.

“No,” Alex shakes her head, quickly bouncing back from her frozen state. “I’m the sorry one. I should be looking where I’m going, especially if there are beautiful girls like you walking around.” She gives a smile and bites her bottom lip, completely forgetting Tobin behind her.

The stranger blushes and mumbles a “thank you” as she adjusts her backpack straps.

“Lex, you could’ve knocked the girl over,” Tobin suddenly says, coming next to her best friend’s side as she gives the stranger a good look up and down shamelessly. “Don’t want to hurt her pretty face.”

Without even looking at each other, they know what the other is thinking.

_She’s so hot._

“Are you new here?” Tobin continues. “I’m pretty sure I wouldn’t forget someone like you. Or maybe I’ve seen you in my dreams.”

The other girl raises an eyebrow and laughs softly while Alex resists the urge to roll her eyes at Tobin. “Yeah, I’m new. I just moved here from San Diego,” the new girl explains. “It’s my first day, and I think the person who was supposed to give me a tour just ditched me.”

“So what’s your name?” Alex asks before Tobin can even open her mouth with a smooth remark.

“Christen…Christen Press.”

“Hot name for a hot girl,” Tobin comments with a slight smirk on her lips.

“And what’s your name cutie?” Christen shoots back, surprising both Alex and Tobin.

Tobin’s smirk deepens and Alex tries to keep a neutral expression. “I’m Tobin Heath, but you can call me cutie if you want.”

Christen giggles, biting her lip gently. “You sure about that?”

“Hmm…” Tobin hums, pretending to think for a moment. “Nah, you’re right, babe. Cutie sounds better for you.”

“Well then that settles it,” Christen smiles, forgetting Alex is even standing next to Tobin at this point.

Alex’s jaw is clenched at this point and she’s trying to keep her temper out of control. It was never a problem to get girls to notice her. She always had them wrapped around her finger within the first few minutes of meeting them. But here Tobin is, charming this new girl’s pants off even with Alex standing right next to her.

As soon as she ran into Christen, Alex knew this was her new target. She wanted Christen and she was almost positive she’d get her until Tobin opened her mouth. But it wasn’t only Tobin, it was how quickly Christen grew interest in Tobin. Alex takes a slow breath, trying to keep calm. Her and Tobin never fought over girls, they weren’t about to start now.

“So do you want to show me around or are you going to leave me to get lost?” Christen asks Tobin, licking her lips.

Tobin smiles at her, motioning towards the rest of the hallway. “After you, beautiful.”

Christen, seemingly pleased, winks at her and begins to walk in the direction Tobin’s motioned to. Tobin watches her go for a moment and Alex knows what her best friend’s looking at because she’s looking at the same thing.

The midfielder turns to her best friend and grins. “Get in and get out,” she says quietly before jogging to catch up with Christen and bumping her shoulder gently.

Alex watches, exhaling deeply. “Get in and get the fuck out,” she mutters.

_Christen was supposed to be mine, Tobin._

–

“You alright there?” Tobin asks, her eyebrow raised at the new girl. “I mean, I know I’m a little attractive but come on now, staring in public isn’t exactly polite, now is it?” Tobin smirks as she watches the blush spread across Christen’s cheeks.

“Well no one ever said I was polite, now did they?” Christen smirks at the way Tobin laughs at her, the melodic sound filling her ears and fluttering her heart for a few beats. The two continue their small back and forth banter down the hall, when suddenly an underclassmen runs passed Tobin, knocking the girl off her feet.

“Woah!” Tobin gasps, expecting to find the floor beneath her fingertips.

“You alright there, babe?” Christen smiles, looking down at the girl in her arms. She barely caught Tobin by wrapping her hand around the older girl’s waist. Tobin’s skin burns Christen’s hand that’s somehow found it’s way beneath the fabric of Tobin’s hoodie, but she doesn’t find an issue with it. In fact, she presses her hand against the tan skin and helps Tobin to stand on her own before letting go.

“Well would ya look at that?” Tobin’s face is sly and it turns Christen’s stomach upside down. She watches as Tobin moves in closer to her, so close if Tobin wanted to, she could kiss the girl. “I guess you could say, I’m falling for you.” She winks, clicking her tongue at Christen, listening to how her laugh fills the space around them. It’s contagious, her laugh, and now Tobin’s found herself chuckling at her own line.

Christen loops her arm around Tobin’s and laughs,

“Just show me around school, you big dumb.” Tobin feigns a pained expression, her hand flying to her chest as she gasps out.

“Well if you’re going to be hurtful,” She slips her arm out of Christen’s grasp. “Then I just might not give you the grand tour!”

“Oh really?” The girl raises her eyebrow, challenging Tobin. She doesn’t get it, how can Tobin, a girl she met only minutes ago, have her so infatuated? “And what makes this tour so grand, babe?” She watches as Tobin tilts her chin up, a pointed look of confidence oozing from the older girl, and Christen can’t help but press her teeth into her bottom lip. 

“Now, I guess you’ll never know, will you?” Tobin states, her smirk extends into her eyes and she can’t help but smile as she watches Christen squirm a little, trying to think of how to counter the older girl. It takes her all but thirty seconds to find her words.

Walking up to the older girl, Christen’s eyes area shade darker and a bit hooded, her bottom lip is still tucked beneath her teeth as she enters Tobin’s personal space.

_Hello._

Christen looks down to the space left between the two, knowing that with the small amount left between them it would drive the brown eyed girl mad, and it does. She looks from the space between them all the way up to Tobin’s eyes, taking in the way they burn holes into her own.

“What if I said I’m sorry?” She asks, her voice slightly above a whisper.

Tobin knows this game way too well, she knows where this might lead her and frankly, she wants to go there, so she speeds the process up a bit. Christen has her backed up against a wall of lockers and just like that, Tobin leans forward, her lips next to the tanned girl’s ear,

“Now cutie, tell me, how exactly am I supposed to know that you’re apology is sincere?” Tobin purs and it all but does the trick. Christen has her hands in the sides of Tobin’s shirt, pulling her off the lockers a bit as their fronts press together. This time it’s Christen’s voice purring in Tobin’s ear.

“I’m sure there’s a way I can prove it you.” And when she pulls back her lips graze the skin of Tobin’s cheek and much like her hip, Tobin’s skin burns Christen’s lips and leaves her craving for more. Their fronts are still touching but Tobin manages to lean back against the lockers again, her hands finding Christen’s hips. Her eyes are a shade darker and her smirk is deeper than before, and when she talks to Christen, the confidence from moments before is back and it’s certainly enough to make Christen take initiative.

“Well then prove it to me, babe.” And with that Christen grabs Tobin by the wrist, dragging her down the rest of the hall. “You know exactly where you’re goin’ there, hot stuff?” Tobin smirks at her own remark, finding it extremely attractive that Christen isn’t just letting herself get pushed around. She bites her bottom lip as she watches Christen glance over her shoulder,

“I don’t think location is your biggest issue right now.” She hisses, letting her eyes run up and down Tobin’s body.

“Turn right in the next hallway, go through the double doors and go into the girls locker room.” Tobin’s voice is calm, as if she’s done this many times before, and soon she finds herself being pulled into the girls locker room, not that she minds.

“Tobin?” A voice asks from over her shoulder and it jolts her for a second.

_You’re kidding me right now, aren’t you?_

Christen’s still got her grip on Tobin’s wrist when she looks to the girl standing behind Tobin. She’s tall, her hair is up in a ponytail and she’s discarded most of her clothes, save her sports bra and running shorts.

“Allison.” Tobin smiles, letting the pole vaulter’s name roll off her tongue. 

“Christen?” The three girls turn around to see Kelley with a confused expression painting her features. “I knew I forgot somethi–one! Someone!” Kelley is quick to correct herself as she walks up to the trio. “Seriously, I leave you for like ten minutes and Tobin’s already found you.” Kelley tsks, telling Tobin to shoo so that she can properly give Christen a tour without also giving her an STD.

“I guess you’ll have to prove it to me some other time, hot stuff.” Tobin winks at Christen after rolling her eyes at her other best friend.

“It’s a bet then.” Christen promises, letting Kelley lead her out of the locker room, a location she won’t soon forget. Before exiting completely, Kelley turns to walk backwards, yelling her thanks to Tobin for making her a preseason workout regime.

“And then there’s two.” Tobin turns her attention back to Allison, a smile dawning on her lips, only to slightly fade as she reads the folded arms and serious demeanor of Allison’s

“You text me for two months straight and then suddenly drop off the face of the planet and all you can say is ‘And then there was two’?” She asks, so offended Tobin thinks she might get slapped if she isn’t careful with her words. Her eyes scan the virtually empty locker room, walking over to a row of lockers to lean against.

“I mean, I guess I could ask you the same thing, babe.” Tobin starts, putting on a facade of a broken heart. “One second, I’m bragging about how you’re my girl and the next someone’s telling me that I’m not you’re only girl.” Tobin can feel goosebumps rising at the first touch of her back pressing against the locker doors. Her eyes are lingering everywhere but Allison and it’s actually working, the guilt trip, that is. It’s working so well that Tobin has to turn away from facing Allison so that she can try and crack a bit of a smile that’s trying to break out onto her face.

“Tobin…” Allison starts, she hated how Tobin just used her and led her on but after seeing how hurt Tobin was maybe Tobin was just caught in a huge misunderstanding. “What do you mean? I never had another girl aside from you.” Allison sighs, her arms falling from her chest to her sides as she walks up to the girl. Tobin turns back to the pole vaulter and lets her eyes run up and down her chiseled body before reaching her eyes once again.

“Some dude came up to me and told me that I wasn’t the only girl you were seeing, he said that you were just playing me.” Tobin drops her gaze to the floor, suddenly examining the patterns of Allison’s shoes as she continues, “Call me a coward or a fool, but I didn’t want to get hurt, especially when you might’ve been the one hurting me.” Tobin shakes her head, and pulls it back up to lean against the locker door once again. She can see how her little story is working on Allison and she can’t help the need to laugh at how easy it is, so she bites her bottom lip after letting out her last blow. “I don’t think I could take it. So I figured, if I left you, you would have someone else, but if you left me, I would have nothing but my broken heart.” Her bottom lip quivers as she tries not to laugh.

_3…2…..1_

Tobin smiles as she feels Allison grab her by the wrists and pull her into a tight embrace. She breathes in the scent of pineapple and oranges and remembers that it was the girls favorite scent.

“You’re still using the perfume I got you?” Tobin asks, a little blindsided by the fact that the girl would actually use it. Allison pulls back a little and Tobin pauses for a second, confused as to why the girl is actually blushing at her question. Is she stupid? Tobin left her out of boredom. Why was she still using something the girl had given her?

“I guess you were wrong, I didn’t have anyone else.” Allison looks into Tobin’s eyes, the heartbreak evident, “So when you left, I guess all I was left with was just my broken heart.” Tobin furrowed her eyebrows.

It’s been like three months? Why is she still hung up on me? Why hasn’t she just moved on?

Tobin didn’t exactly have words for Allison. Granted, she didn’t understand why the girl was still hung up on her but something in her tells her to stay, to stay and hold Allison in her arms as the younger girl held onto her. It’s a familiar something, a something she felt recently. It’s not the same something, not even close, but it’s something and it’s enough to have Tobin focused on Allison for the time being.

It’s a feeling of being wanted for more than just a night and since Alex can’t give it to her, maybe Allison can..

–

Alex is pleased to find out she has a class with Christen Press. It’s not until she walks into her Environmental Systems class during fourth period the following day that she sees the younger girl sitting by the window…in Alex’s seat. Seizing the opportunity, she takes the seat next to her.

“Well hey,” she greets, putting her things down.

Christen turns and smiles in recognition. “Oh hey!”

“So you’re kind of sitting in my seat,” Alex explains. “but you know, since you’re new and kinda hot I guess I’ll give it to you.”

Christen laughs, immediately liking Alex’s forwardness. “Okay.” Then she gives the older one a look. “Did you say ‘kinda’ hot?”

Alex smirks, leaning back in her chair with her arms crossed. “Maybe,” she shrugs, blue eyes glinting with delight.

“Fair enough,” Christen sighs dramatically, making Alex bite her lip. “I mean…you’re only a little cute.”

The forward raises an eyebrow at her, enjoying the fact that this girl could keep up with her wit. “A little? Baby, you think I’m hot and you know it.”

The tanned girl gives her a mischievous smile. “Girls talk about you, Miss Morgan.”

Now Alex is intrigued. She sits up straight, tilting her head slightly. “Well what do they say about me?”

“A few things,” Christen answers vaguely, twirling her pen with a smug look on her face.

Alex knows what the girl’s trying to do and can’t help but find it really attractive. Although Tobin had Christen practically crawling after her, Alex’s best friend hadn’t even spoken of Christen since she ran off. So she took that as a free-for-all.

“Do you believe those things, Press?” Alex asks, maintaining eye contact with the taller girl. She’s learned to use her bright, blue eyes as a weapon when it’s come to just about anything. Her gaze doesn’t waver and she licks her lips as Christen’s smug look only deepens.

“Perhaps. I’ll admit I’m curious.”

The forward leans forward so she’s closer to Christen and runs her index finger under the girl’s chin. She can feel the hitch in Christen’s breath and smirks because she knows she’s working magic at this point.

“Maybe you’ll get to find out for yourself one day,” Alex winks before the tardy bell rings. She slyly pulls away and faces the front of the room, but out of the corner of her eye she can see a very flushed Christen Press looking down at her desk.

_And this is the next one._

In the following days, Environmental Systems becomes a class Alex looks forward to. She and Christen sit next to each other every day, Christen by the window and Alex right next to her. Flirtations are passed back and forth and each day is another step closer to Alex getting what she wants out of it all. The forward’s learned to be patient with these types of things because if you rush it you either can’t fully enjoy it or somehow mess it up.

The bell rings dismissing the class and Christen jumps up, beginning to speed walk out of the classroom giggling.

“Christen, get your ass back here!” Alex calls, but she’s laughing like she’s been doing for the past five minutes. She immediately sprints after the younger girl, catching up to her with no problem. Her hands go straight to Christen’s waist from behind and she pulls the girl closer.

“Alex!” Christen squeals, trying to struggle out of her grasp.

“Give me my phone!” Alex commands, tightening her grip on Christen’s waist. “I swear if you sent everyone on my list a snapchat I’m going to kill you!”

The taller girl smirks, holding the phone up high. “You wouldn’t, babe.”

“Try me,” Alex shoots back, wrapping her arms fully around the younger one’s waist and pressing her front into her back. “Give it back.”

“Hmm,” Christen pretends to think for a second, still holding the phone up.

“I’m going to tackle you to the ground,” Alex threatens.

“I wouldn’t mind,” Christen smirks. The forward bites her lip at the thought. “but what’s in it for me if I give you your phone?”

Alex chews her bottom lip as she considers her options. They’ve been flirting for awhile and Alex knew it was time to move to the next phase of her little game. “I’ll take you out Friday.”

“Really?” the younger girl asks, turning to face Alex, still stuck in the forward’s embrace. “Where to?”

There’s a mysterious look on Alex’s face as she answers, “It’s a surprise. Just trust me, beautiful.”

Christen looks at her, considering the offer. When she doesn’t answer for a good few seconds, Alex’s hand ends up slipping under Christen’s thin shirt, making the girl gasp softly.

“C’mon Press,” Alex purrs quietly. “Think about it. Just you and me. No school, no damn Environmental Systems.” She leans in, letting her lips barely graze up Christen’s neck and she can feel the goosebumps forming. She suppresses a smirk as she whispers in the girl’s ear. “And maybe some privacy.”

The younger girl begins to find it harder to breath. Her eyes close for a moment as she feels Alex’s body against hers. “What time?”

Alex smirks, knowing she’s done her job. She grabs her phone, and manages to leave a quick kiss on the girl’s cheek. “I’ll text you babe.”

Christen lets out a soft groan. “You fucking tease.” She’s still amazed at how flustered Alex can get her so quickly. Readjusting her shirt, she takes a breath as she looks at the smirking Alex.

“But you love it,” the forward winks, slipping her hand out from under Christen’s shirt. “See you later, Press. Stay hot,” she calls before walking away.

Alex isn’t sure why she hasn’t settled down in a really long time. Maybe it’s because relationships just haven’t been her thing or that she’s scared. Or maybe because she likes the chase. The chase is what keeps Alex going, and when she’s finally been satisfied, there’s no point in staying. What else is there to be offered? Bigger and better things could be down the road and she’ll miss them if she sticks around too long.

_Get in and get out._

The motto she and Tobin share pops into her head. That’s the way it’s always been and Christen’s just another part of it all.

–

Christen laughs, hitting Alex’s arm with force. “I can’t believe you did that!”

Alex nods, a huge grin on her face. “Better believe it babe, it’s one hundred percent true. Just ask Tobs.”

The two are strolling down the street after seeing a movie, hand in hand. Well, actually they weren’t really watching the movie. They had picked the very last row and didn’t watch any of the movie at all. If anyone asked, they wouldn’t be able to tell you what it was even about.

“Are you in the mood for some frozen yogurt?” Alex asks.

Christen nods. “That sounds so good right now.”

Alex smiles, telling Christen that there’s a place just down the street from where they are now. Their small talk continues, along with their flirtations and they stop more than once to let their lips meet. It’s all routine to Alex. She knows what to expect and when, but she’s still very much enjoying the fowardness of Christen. Usually it’s Alex making all the first moves, but Christen isn’t afraid to take the lead too. Alex really likes it.

On their way, they pass a pizza place, one that Alex is pretty familiar with after all the times she and her teammates have stopped by. She peeks through the glass, knowing the crowd won’t be big at this time of night. A couple in a booth makes her stutter in her step.

_Tobin? Who are you with and why don’t I know about it?_

The forward squints a little and is able to recognize the girl as the amazing pole vaulter from school, Allison Stokke. She wracks her brain for a moment, and then realizes Tobin’s been in the halls with her a lot lately. In fact, Alex is pretty sure Tobin’s spent more time with Allison than her. Then something else hits her. She recalls a few months ago when Tobin was telling her about her latest endeavor. Her name was Allison. This makes Alex’s thoughts jumble.

_Tobin never goes back to anyone. She’s never gone back. What the hell are you doing, Tobs?_

She looks at them for a moment, feeling something upsetting her stomach. Tobin’s having a good time with Allison, and it seems to be getting quite flirtatious between them. Alex feels uneasy as she continues to watch. She has nothing against Allison, but she doesn’t understand what’s going on. Wasn’t their motto “Go in and Get out”? Whatever this is - it’s breaking the motto.

“Al, you okay?” Christen asks noticing that Alex has slowed down quite a bit.

At the sound of her voice, Alex snaps back to what’s going on. She nods, putting on a smile. “Yeah…yeah. I just didn’t know Tobin was on a date too tonight.”

Christen nods, looking through the window. “Maybe you’ll both get lucky tonight.”

Alex faces Christen again, this time noticing the smirk on the girl’s face. “Let’s find out.”

_Go in and get out. Remember that._

But it’s not Alex that needs the reminder.

–

Things with Allison are different, a good kind of different. Tobin can’t remember the last time anyone has ever made her feel this way, as if she could leave and come back and everything would still be there waiting for her.

_Get in and Get out. What happened to that?_

Tobin thinks to herself as her eyes follow Allison’s figure moving through her room. She stands back, arms folded across her chest, butt pressed against her side desk, and a smile ever-present on her face, as she watches the brunette roam through her room.

“Is that really you?” Allison laughs, pointing at the picture of Tobin from freshman year, aka her “braceface” years. “Oh my goodness, Tobin! You look terrible!” She cries, laughing at how Tobin’s hair in the picture is standing in all different directions and how the girl has food tangled throughout the metal wires encompassing her mouth.

_Okay, that’s enough._

Tobin figures. She gets up from her spot in front of her desk and moves toward her lean girl. She slips her arms around her waist and rests her head in the crook of her neck, pouting.

“Are you really going to spend all your time making fun of me this afternoon? Because if you are, you can go ahead and leave.” Tobin deadpans. She can feel Allison’s laughter against her hands as she holds her place wrapped around the younger girl. She feels the warmth of Allison’s hands run up and down her arms as she tries to hug the arms that surround her. Tobin smiles, thinking of how stupid Allison probably looks, of how love-struck the girl is.

“Mmmm,” Allison hums for a bit, pretending to weight her options. “Go home to a cold empty house or stay wrapped in your arms as you whine like a little baby? I think I’m going to go with the whiny baby.” She smiles, laughing at her own joke as she looks to Tobin resting on her shoulder. Tobin bites her lip, doing her best to not show just how much she’s enjoying this change of pace.

By now, Tobin would’ve had Allison in bed, lost in a tangle of sheets and sweat, getting what she’d been waiting for, what she’d been working towards. But Allison’s different. So different that Tobin thinks she might be the game changer. The girl that sets things straight, well situations, not people. Tobin can’t remember the last time she’s consciously made the effort to reach for a girl and hold her hand, for her, it’s always been the other way around. She can’t remember the last time she talked to a girl that wasn’t a teammate or Alex, without having to use the “Heath Charm”.

What she does remember though, is the first time she spoke to Allison, and by spoke she means, no charm, no bullshit, no sly comments and flirtatious double meanings, but real words. Real honest words that came from her and not some need to get laid. She remembers how persistent Allison was in getting information out of her and how even though Tobin yelled and did her best to push the pole vaulter away, at the end of the conversation, she was still there. She was still standing in front of her with an understanding smile and open arms.

Tobin smiles at the memory. She smiles when she remembers how no one’s ever done that for her, or at least none of her girls have done that for her. No one has ever shown Tobin a reason to trust them, all they’ve shown her are reasons why she shouldn’t trust them. She can’t remember the amount of times people have asked her to just have sex because they weren’t getting what they wanted, what they needed.

Well, no, she can remember but in a sense it’s different too. A lot of things, Tobin realizes, are different. Her teammates, they’re the only people she trusts like family. Then, there’s Alex. She’s different too. She’s Alex. She’s the girl that Tobin would take a bullet for without having to even take a second to think about it.

But Tobin realizes something, again, that’s different. She’s different. Tobin realizes that she no longer wants to play games, she’s over the whole “Get in and get out” phase. She wants something that’ll be there for her when she gets home and as much as she wishes Alex would be there, she knows she wouldn’t. Alex would never, the girl’s like a wave, moving up and down the shoreline as she pleases. Tobin can’t say much when she too is much like a wave, but she wants to change, she no longer wants to the wave, instead she wants to be the shoreline. She wants to be the permanent structure.

But frankly, the idea of it all still scares her. Is she even ready for that kind of dependence? Is she even capable to trust someone that much?

“Hey, babe.” Allison comes up beside Tobin, pecking her on the cheek as the older girl smiles, pulling a notebook out of her locker. “Long night, huh?” She asks, slipping her hand into Tobin’s.

“Yeah.” Tobin smiles, it’s weak and tired but it’s a smile none the less. She laces their fingers together and closes her locker. “Well, hey, are we still on for tonight?” Tobin asks, a little happier than she was moments before, that is, until she reads the expression on Allison’s face. 

“I’m so sorry, babe, I forgot to tell you I have a track meet this weekend! I’m going to be gone tonight and tomorrow, so maybe you can have a girl’s night with Kelley?” Allison might be new to Tobin’s life but she’s sure made it seem as if she weren’t. It’s been a few weeks but Allison already knows most of Tobin’s ins and outs. This moment proving so, knowing that the idea of hanging out with Kelley is almost as great as with herself.

Allison wants to say Alex, though, because she knows how great of friends they are. Hell, everyone in the community knows that they’re best friends, but as of right now, just the name makes Tobin uneasy. She recalls a moment a few days ago when the pair stumbled across Alex and, who Allison assumes, her girlfriend in the hallway. They were in what looked like a tight embrace over a cellphone and Allison found it cute and amusing, mostly because Christen was no longer in pursuit of Tobin, but when she looked over at Tobin, the girl showed no emotions toward it. She had a set jaw and dull eyes, as if she couldn’t be bothered to care

“Or ya know, you could call Alex? See what she’s up to?” Allison tries.

Don’t you mean who?

“I’m alright, I think me and Kel need some Tobin-Kelley time.” And with that answer, Allison knows Tobin isn’t ready to talk about it yet. She squeezes Tobin’s hand before pecking her on the cheek.

“Buses leave in ten minutes, so I have to get going.” She lets go of Tobin’s hand when she gets tugged back,

“What? You’re leaving so soon?” Tobin asks,

“Yeah! I gotta go! I’m sorry, Tobin! Bye, babe!” Allison presses her lips onto Tobin’s before running off, leaving Tobin alone, once again.

–

“So are you ready or what?” Kelley jostles Tobin by her shoulders.

“Ready for what genius?” Tobin laughs, letting Kelley wrack her back and forth. The pair walk up to the door of the house party as Kelley answers,

“This.”

It’s a blacklight party and it’s certainly been a while since Tobin’s been to one and she can’t say she didn’t miss it. She feels the bass of the speakers boom through her lifelines and the body heat creep up against her and if anything, she can say that she’s missed this. Her eyes search the room and a buzz of excitement jolts through her veins as she realizes everything she’s been depriving herself of for the last few weeks. There were so many unfamiliar faces in this crowd and Tobin knew she’d have to go home with at least one of them.

_Allison and I aren’t even a real thing, anyway._

An hour or three in and Tobin finds herself sandwiched between two girls she won’t remember in the morning. Her clothes are stained in paint and her face has some sort of design on it that the girl behind her drew. She has neon paint stained on her shorts from the way the girl handles her hips, whereas her own hands are on the blonde’s hips that are grinding against her, when Kelley peels her away from the dancing crowd.

“Dude–Dude! You need to calm it down a bit!” Kelley laughs, handing Tobin a drink. She takes a swig of whatever it is and before she can go for another, Kelley speaks up again, “Yo, check it! Alex is here too!” That’s enough to sober Tobin entirely.

_Why is she here? She doesn’t know a single person in this hou—_

Tobin’s thoughts are stilled when she sees who’s attached to Alex’s hand; Christen. She watches as Alex eyes light up as they make their way through the masses of people. Tobin’s stomach twists as she watches Christen grab a cup of paint and start drawing on Alex’s skin as if it were hers to design. Quickly, Tobin turns away, much like that one morning weeks ago, she escapes to the backyard.

She’s surprised to find it empty, save the bottles of beer discarded on the ground.

_Why is she here? That’s not fair! She’s not allowed to be here! You can’t let her be here all happy while I’m trying to change!_

Tobin screams at the one she praises. She doesn’t understand. She thought she was doing so well. She wasn’t talking to other girls, she wasn’t looking at other girls, she was with Allison! But why was it nothing like she thought it would be? Why did it feel like a prison?

_I thought you said love was something amazing?! Well why can’t I find that? Why can’t I have someone who’ll love me and not bore me!_

There it was, she was bored. Allison was everything she needed, stable, safe, secure and most importantly, there. But that wasn’t enough for Tobin, she didn’t want safe and stable she wanted crazy and stupid and wild. She wanted her old life back because being alone at the end of the night is better than being lonely around someone you’re supposed to care about.

_Fuck it. Fuck this. Fuck that. Fuck. It._

Tobin’s fist meets the brick wall time and time again as she internally screams at herself.

_Why do I still want her? Why her? I don’t understand why it can’t be Allison!_

Again, Tobin’s blood stained knuckles meet the rough red surface of the brick wall and it’s when she’s almost entirely fed up with her little pity party that she makes her way back into the house.

Immediately, she’s greeted by a frazzled Kelley O’Hara.

“Tobin! You seriously can’t just run off on me like that!” Kelley’s hand is on Tobin’s shoulder, her face up to her ear as she tries to stress her point. Yet, all Tobin does is shrug her off, beelining straight for the kitchen. She grabbs a bottle of vodka and with a loud cheer to a night to “not-remember” she’s take two or three rather large gulps of the liquid fire.

“Wooo! Let’s get things started Kel!” Tobin screams, running into the center of the dancing crowd. Kelley watches as her best friend dances alone for a few seconds before suddenly she’s once again found a few people willing to dance with her, well more like on her.

Alex and Christen were lost in their own world of neon paint and booming music when they heard the crowd around them chant,

“Take it off! Take it off!”

The two look around to find who’s being yelled at, excited to see the first idiot to strip. That is, until Alex’s eyes land on a familiar stomach.

“Damn, isn’t that Tobin?” Christen asks. “Holy shit.” She laughs. “Who knew Tobin had that kind of bod.” She all but purs, almost throwing Alex even more off guard then she already was.

So much was happening for Alex to take in, one second she’s sharing a breath with Christen, her hands on the skin of the girl’s hips, and the next she’s watching Kelley tug Tobin’s shirt back over her head.

She watches the exchange carefully, taking in the way Kelley’s eyes widen at whatever Tobin says in reply to her commands for her to put her shirt back on. Her eyes follow as Kelley grabs Tobin by the wrist, weaving in and out of the sweaty bodies inhabiting the living room, and leading Tobin out front.

“Hey babe, c’mon, where are you?” Christen asks, her finger delicately traces a line along Alex’s cheek, turning the blue eyed beauty’s attention back to her. Alex, tries, she tries for a few seconds to entertain Christen’s wishes but after a second too long, Alex pulls away with the excuse of,

“I just need to talk to someone real quick, alright babe?”

–

“Tobin what the fuck?” Kelley asks, yanking the older girl out of the house. She lets go of her wrist and waits for her answer, not expecting much considering the amount of alcohol in her system.

“Stop being a such a stiff and let me have fun, shit.” Tobin spat out, there’s a certain anger behind her brown eyes and it makes Kelley close her mouth before she can reply again. No amount of alcohol could blind Tobin to the look of hurt that fills Kelley’s face. That’s when she lets her shoulders fall, her defenses weaken, that’s when lets out her first breath of the night.

“Kel, I–I’m sorry. I’m so sorry, you didn’t deserve that.” Tobin sighs as she runs a hand through her hair.

“Tobin, what is that?” Kelley asks, her eyes wide at what she’s looking at. Her hands go straight to Tobin’s knuckles, pulling them towards her. She shines her phone’s light on them to reveal the dried blood that coats the girl’s hand. Kelley winces when she realizes that it’s swollen and throbbing, and upon closer inspection, she realizes that it’s also created noteworthy gashes and scrapes against the once smooth skin.

No words are exchanged, but when Kelley’s eyes look up from the beaten hand of her friend, Tobin already knows. She sets her jaw, pushing down all the emotions she can as she gives her friend reason behind her actions.

“Kel, why is she here?”

It’s not what either girl expects, but it’s reason enough for both of them. Kelley, who’s stood back and watched the relationship of her best friends carefully, is able to connect the dots and knows exactly what’s happening.

“Tobin,” She starts with a sigh, and it’s because of that, that Tobin snaps her hand out of Kelley’s grasp.

“No. Don’t.” Tobin hisses. “I don’t need your pity and I don’t need your apology for what Alex is doing. I don’t need anything or anyone!” Tobin shouts, her hand punching against another brick wall.

“Tobin, stop!” Kelley lunges forward and grabs the arm that’s winding back to take another swing. “I wasn’t going to say or do any of that!” She shouts, trying to get the girl’s attention, waiting until Tobin’s arm slowly falls limp. She once again, holds the hand in both of hers, watching as Tobin bites her bottom lip, pleading for it to stop quivering. She presses her forehead against the rough red surface, her side leaning against it too.

“Kelley, why does she have to be here of all nights?” Tobin asks, her voice pleading for an answer. “I was doing so well without her.” Tobin confesses. “I finally stopped seeing Alex in Allison, you know? I was finally starting to feel something for Allison, something that Alex makes me feel. So why is she here now? Ruining everything I’ve worked so hard for?” Tobin cries, her voice cracking as she lets everything out for the first time.

“Tobin–I can’t answer that for you.” Kelley slowly releases Tobin’s beaten hand. “But maybe she’s here because you were never meant to teach yourself how to feel for Allison…?” The question leaves a bad taste in Tobin’s mouth.

“Kel, are you saying what Allison and I have isn’t re–”

“No, I’m not Tob, but what I am saying is that maybe you’re hurting yourself more than you have to.” Tobin’s forehead rolls along the wall until she’s looking at Kelley, asking her for clarification that she never gets.

“Tobin?” The voice comes from behind her shoulder and it sends chills down her spine.

_No. No, she’s not here. She’s inside. She’s—_

“Tobin, I know you can hear me.” The rasp in her voice is stronger and Tobin knows it’s because her concern, or annoyance, is beginning to grow. She can feel the wooden boards of the porch creek as Alex makes her way over and Kelley makes her way back to the door.

“Look at me.” She demands, but Tobin’s determined to keep her sights locked on the small crack in the wood of the porch’s railing. “Tobin, I said, look at me.” Alex’s voice is just as demanding but it’s softer, much softer, than it was the first time. Tobin hears Alex sigh and for some reason, it makes her look.

“What are you doing?” Alex asks, crossing her arms over her chest.

“Wha–What am I doing?” Tobin asks incredulously, peeling herself off the wall to face the younger girl. “Well, damn, Alex. I’m about having the time of my life. You?” Tobin pauses, but not long enough for Alex to reply. “No, you don’t have to tell me. I can guess, onto the next one right?” Tobin states, her eyes are piercing with judgement Alex never knew Tobin was capable of.

“Tobin?” She asks, suddenly caught off guard.

“Get in and get out, right? That’s the motto!” Tobin’s laugh is dry and full of pain.

“Wait, hold on! You’re one to talk!” Alex shoves Tobin back. “You can’t say shit to me when you’re over here talking to some girl you left months ago! What’d you have to do to get her to trust you again, huh? What’d you have to say to wrap her around that finger of yours?”

“What I had to say?” Tobin all but snaps. “What about you, Alex? Huh? What did you tell Christen? Did you tell her that she was beautiful? That she’s perfect? That you and her would be perfect together?” She’s telling herself to stop, she knows somewhere deep down that she should stop, but at the moment all she sees is red.

“Did you tell her about how she’s your dream girl? Or how you could spend all day listening to her talk? Lemme guess! You told her how you could tell her everything you’d never feel safe enough to tell anyone else?!”

The look on Alex’s face is lost and slightly panicked, and it just fires Tobin up more.

“See, I know your game, Lex! I know it!” the pain is still very much evident in Tobin’s broken and brittle laugh. “I know it so well that when your drunk ass self decided to try and play it on me, I didn’t fall for it!” Tobin proclaims, her voice oozing with pride as Alex’s begins to flush with realization.

“So tell me, what was Christen’s favorite part of your little spiel? Was it when—this might’ve been my favorite actually,” She’s being such an asshole but that’s something she can live with. Her anger has turned into spite and poison, and it’s much too late for her to try and hold her tongue.

“Was it when you told her how you could see yourself loving her? How you could see yourself onlyloving her? Huh, was that it?”

–

_It wasn’t a dream._

Alex’s breathing is too slow to match the rate her heart is beating. As Tobin lashes out at her, the blue-eyed girl recognizes the words slipping from Tobin’s mouth as her darkest confession. Those confessions were said, but not in real life. Tobin keeps going and Alex’s heart is beginning to thud so loud that she can hear and feel it in her ears.

_None of it was a dream._

The realization hits Alex like a splash of freezing water. She figures out too late that she could’ve made a move. But then again Tobin left her alone in the morning. She curses herself for being so drunk to not understand the gravity of what happened.

The words flying out of Tobin’s mouth sting Alex. Each statement takes a hit to her now-fragile heart. Her own words are slapping her across the face. She told Tobin that because it was true, but because of Alex’s inability to remember much after drinking, the only person meant to hear the words wouldn’t believe they were true.

_You told her everything._

“Oh my god,” Alex whispers. She doesn’t mean to say it, but it’s the only thing that could come out of her mouth with understanding washing over her.

Tobin lets out a harsh, humorless laugh as she watches Alex, comparing her to a deer in headlights. “You can’t believe I caught onto your tricks, can you? Maybe you shouldn’t get so drunk.”

The forward can feel the tears beginning to form, but she manages to shake her head. “N-no. Tobin…It’s not what you think.”

“Alex! Stop bullshitting me!” Tobin cries, glaring at her so-called “best friend”. “It’s the same type of shit you tell every girl. You have them drawn so deep that they don’t even see it coming when you leave them in the cold. When they wake up alone and never get a text or call back.”

“Like you?” Alex shoots back, managing to find her voice once again. “You left me, Tobin! You left me to confusion the next morning!”

“Oh, then let me fill you in,” the midfielder says, sarcasm dripping in her tone. “You tried your stupid moves on me, Alex. You told me all this shit that I guess most girls fall for. It was shit that you’d never pull on me. You were probably too drunk to know who I was. Fucking idiot,” Tobin spits.

“Tobin, you don’t–” There’s a desperate tone to Alex’s voice now. Tobin’s never lashed out at her like this before, and she knows that she’s losing her best friend quickly. Maybe she started losing her the morning she woke up.

“No Alex!” Tobin yells, silencing her. “Stop lying to me! I don’t think I can take anymore of your lies because if I do, I’d be stupid enough to believe them.” She shakes her head, crossing her arms. Alex catches the glimpse of the dried blood on her knuckles and gasps.

“Tobs,” she says, reaching out and grabbing her hand, inspecting the injury. “What did you do?”

There’s genuine concern in her voice and for the first time since Alex found her, Tobin’s biting her lip. She wants to crumble into Alex’s words, whether they’re true or not, and just let it be over.

“Tobin? Why did you do this?”

The question brings the older girl back to reality as she yanks her hand away. “Because of you,” she admits, eyes burning. “You do the craziest things to me, and I don’t think you’ll ever get that! You’ll never get it because you get in and get out for the thrill of it!”

She forces her tears back, trying to allow herself to get through this confrontation before any sobbing begins. “I’ll tell you what, Alex. I’m not going to be one of your next targets. And I’m not going to be like you. I have something stable going on with someone who cares about me and will be there in the morning when I wake up. Don’t you want that, too? Aren’t you tired of playing games?”

Alex stares at Tobin for a moment, her chest heavy as all the things she could think of saying come to her mind. With a trembling voice she decides to answer with “There’s only one person I’d do that for.”

The comment stings Tobin. “Have fun with Press,” she spits venomously. “I hope she’ll wake up and figure out your games one day.” She begins to walk away slowly, trying to keep her emotions in check.

“Tobin!” Alex calls after her. “Tobin, please!”

“I’m not falling for your damn games, Alex! Leave me alone,” Tobin pleads before running off. Her tears can’t be stopped as they stream down her face and she lets out a sob.

 


	2. Part 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> What’s said and done is now in the past but what will it take for them to move forward?

“There you are!”

Alex tenses at the sound of the voice. She isn’t sure how long she’s been out there. All she knows is that she told Tobin how she felt while she was drunk, her best friend thinks that’s what she tells everyone, and now Alex is left alone. The words from earlier are echoing in her head; in fact, they’ve been on repeat since she watched Tobin run away.

She feels a hand on her wrist, forcing her to turn away from the wall. Alex refuses to look up, knowing that her eyes are red and it still seems impossible to catch her breath. She doesn’t want to look up. Suddenly, all she wants to do is find Tobin and explain.

“What’s wrong?” Christen asks, immediate concern filling her voice. She places a finger under Alex’s chin, but the older girl refuses to budge. “What happened?”

The forward doesn’t answer. She doesn’t know how to. All she can do is keep her eyes trained on the ground and her head low. A few sniffles escape as she tries to calm down. “I…” her voice cracks, but she doesn’t finish.

“Babe, tell me what’s going on.”

_I’m not your babe._

Alex thinks, but all that comes out is “I feel like shit.” Her voice is raspier and weaker than usual. She risks a look at Christen and notices her eyes are full of concern.

“Maybe you need a few drinks,” Christen suggests with a small smile. Her hands find their way to Alex’s waist before tugging the shorter girl closer. “You need to let loose, Al” she says in a low voice. “Come on, you’re too pretty to cry.”

She can feel Christen’s breath on her skin as the words slowly leave the girl’s mouth. Alex’s breathing has slowed and it’s growing heavier by the moment. She doesn’t want to be so close to Christen yet she knows she needs to be. It isn’t the voice she wants to here, but being alone would be so much worse.

Christen begins to place kisses on Alex’s neck, causing the older girl to take a sharp breath. Her eyes slowly close, letting Christen do as she pleased. “Come back inside,” Christen mumbles against her skin. “Please baby.”

Alex immediately leads her back inside, grabbing the first drink she sees.

_Shit._

As her eyes adjust to the darkness of the room, the only thing Alex is aware of is her head pounding. She shouldn’t have had so much to drink last night, but it was the only way to silence all the thoughts screaming in her mind. She feels warmth radiating from behind her, so she slowly turns until she realizes she’s facing a naked Christen. It takes another moment to realize her clothes are gone too.

Alex manages to lie flat on her back, looking up at the dark ceiling. Christen’s sound asleep, Alex can tell by the way she’s snoring softly. She wonders how much she’s had to drink and then an eye-widening thought occurs to her.

_Tobin._

The name now brings a pang to Alex’s chest. Her secrets had come to light and they were seen as little nothings to get her by. She wants to go back to that night and control how much she had to drink. She wants to go back to last night and shut Tobin up by pressing her lips against Tobin’s chapped ones. But she can’t.

_“You do the craziest things to me, and I don’t think you’ll ever get that! You’ll never get it because you get in and get out for the thrill of it!_ ”

Tobin’s accusation causes Alex to cringe as she recalls their argument. She realizes she’s sick of finding a new target every few weeks. She’s tired of the same old games she plays, the same stupid things she does. Finally, for once in her life, there’s something Alex knows she wants and not just for sex and fun.

She wants Tobin.

The forward isn’t sure if she’s ready for a relationship. She can’t even remember the last time she was in one. But she wants Tobin, and she’s scared of where this could go but she’s ready for anything when it comes to her best friend. The only problem was her best friend didn’t want her.

Alex’s eyes flutter to Christen next to her and suddenly she feels disgusted with herself and the situation she’s put herself in. There’s no one else she could blame for this and she knows it. Slowly, the older girl slips out of bed and feels around for her garments of clothing. Once she’s managed to put them on and locate her phone, Alex turns back to look at Christen sleeping without a problem.

_I’m so sorry_

She knows Christen doesn’t deserve what’s about to happen. But Alex also knows that if she wants to get anywhere she has to stop. The games aren’t fun and flings are no longer satisfying, not when she knows Tobin’s slipping away from her. So she stuff her phone into her pocket and grabs her keys off the nightstand and lets out a soft sigh.

_Get in and get out…one last time._

Christen wakes up in her bed alone.

–

_“You would be a morning I would never regret.”_

Tobin wakes up with the ghost of her dream beginning to fade. There’s a sting in her throat and she’s not sure if it’s from all the alcohol or the moments she relived in her unconscious haze.

_Forget about it. It was the alcohol._

Tobin presses her eyes shut and turns onto her side, these sheets feel foreign to her but it’s too early to even think of making an escape, so she stays.

“Good morning.” A soft voice whispers into the morning air. It sends a chill down Tobin’s spine as she slowly opens her eyes.

_Who the fuck did I sleep with?_

“So do we cuddle now or…..?” There’s a stupid smirk on Kelley’s face that Tobin wipes off by shoving the smaller girl off the bed.

“We didn’t sleep together, you know that right?”

Kelley’s voice is hesitant and soft as she asks from her spot on the floor. Tobin turns to lay on her back, her arms and legs spread out as she stares through the room’s blackness, trying to find pieces of herself she never knew she was losing.

“I know.”

_I know because I would never try anything with a friend, a teammate, with anyone important to me._

It’s silent, much too silent for Kelley’s liking. She peeks over the side of the bed to see Tobin sprawled across it. She can’t help but notice how small her best friend looks, how vulnerable she looks.

The brunette lays in silence, lost in thoughts of what Kelley can only imagine to be of her and Alex’s fallout. The defender cringes at the thought. It’s been 3, maybe 4, weeks since either girl has spoken to one another, let alone acknowledged one another and she can only assume that it’s tearing Tobin apart.

Kelley knows she’s the only one who knows about Tobin’s feelings for Alex. She knows because she’s the only one who pays attention. She’s the only one who realized that days after Alex’s first “game”, Tobin, with tear stained cheeks, joined in for the next one. No one realized that it was through the girl’s heartbreak that this vicious game was born.

Ironic how through heartbreak it was also ceased.

The smaller girl climbs back into bed and wraps her arms around Tobin. Tobin can tell by the way Kelley holds her close that she’s trying to protect her, she’s trying to hold the pieces of herself that she could never do alone.

The two are slowly falling asleep when Tobin breaks the silence once more and whispers,

“I’m still not going to sleep with you.”

“Shut up. We’re cuddling.”

There’s a small hint of a smirk on both of their faces and for now, it’s enough to numb the pain of being broken.

–

“You couldn’t have woke me up?” Tobin yells, her heart in her chest as she and Kelley run to their first period. “I swear if I’m tardy and have to take my finals because of you—”

“Shut up, Heath!” Kelley yells as she sprints ahead of Tobin, urging her to catch up. “We were cuddling!” Kelley laughs, catching her breath as she rests against a row of lockers next to their first period classrooms.

“3 minutes.” Tobin breathes. She presses her back against the cool metal wall and breathes out again, “3 minutes to spare.”

“Who’s got your back?” Kelley breathes, catching her breath as she tries to regain her composure.

Tobin rolls her head along the locker door, eyeing the smaller girl’s grin.

“Not you, ya dumb.” She laughs when Kelley punches her shoulder. “Maybe it would’ve been you if you would’ve woke me up!”

“Oh sure, well why didn’t you wake up, huh?” Kelley asks, her voice louder to accomodates Tobin’s rising voice. “Having too much fun cuddling with me, Heath?” That earns them a few stares.

“You wish.” Tobin smirks, rolling off the wall of lockers.

Kelley watches as her best friend walks into her first period, wondering how someone so broken can still hold the pieces threatening to fall off. Even still, she shakes her head and begins to walk toward her class across the hall.

Before walking through the door, she calls out,

“Get to class, Alex.

She doesn’t turn around to observe the girl’s reaction but by the way the girl had stopped when she saw Tobin and herself run into the hallway, and stayed long enough to hear the exchange, she can only assume–or hope– that Alex is just as broken as Tobin is.

–

“Cutting it rather close, don’t you think Ms. Heath?” Mr. Barth asks as Tobin strolls into the room. The eyes of her classmates dart toward her as she shrugs,

“Rather cut it close than not at all, ain’t that right, Mr. Barth?” Tobin counters, her attention on the raised eyebrow of her reddening faced teacher. She smirks before turning to find her seat, ignoring the looks from her fellow classmates, including Alison. She can feel the ice in her glare and it does nothing but make the words in her mind ring louder than they once were,  _get in and get out_.

Not even a weekend after Tobin and Alex’s confrontation, Tobin knew she was done. She was done playing the good girl role. She was done “settling down”. Maybe that’s what she wanted at the time, to settle down, but now she knew what she wanted.

Nothing.

_What’s the point of wanting something if the one thing you want the most plays the same game you do? I mean, isn’t that the reason you got in this mess? She played this game first, you just hopped in and followed her lead, hoping it would lead straight to her…. But hope is a terrible thing, now isn’t it?_

All she wants now is a moment of pleasure, loneliness was just something that came with it. Thankfully, her moments of pleasure, at least, have been abundant thus far.

After class, and a few more icy glares from Alison and her friends, Tobin walks through the hallways with a smirk on her lips. The girl from a few nights ago, Penny–Jenny–something like that, walked out of the bathroom and was now headed straight for her.

“Sup, babe?” Tobin smiles as she reaches the brunette. Her eyes give Tobin a once over with a look of disgust before shoving past the older girl and continuing on her path down the hall.

Shocked, Tobin stands in her place with a smirk playing on her lips. Quickly, her smirk deepens and she turns on her heel to follow Penny–Jenny, whatever.

“Why the cold shoulder, babe?” Tobin’s voice is melodic and filled with confidence as it glides through her ever deepening smirk. The brunette glances over at Tobin before rolling her eyes and answering the girl.

“I dunno, I mean it’s been cold ever since I woke up naked and alone Saturday morning.” She keeps walking and Tobin does her best not to laugh at the annoyed look on the girls face.

_Doesn’t she know who I am?_

“Oh come on bab–” Before Tobin could continue her pursuit, her own name stopped her from following the heated brunette. “I’ll catch up with you later, Pe-Jenny!” Tobin slurs the first part of the girls name, in hopes all she’ll catch is the ending but the death glare she receives lets her know she was completely wrong.

“Fuck you, asswipe!” The smaller brunette shouts, “Oh and it’s Sally, by the way!” And with that the girl storms off as Tobin busts out laughing.

“Tobin, what the hell?” Kelley’s laugh is light and slightly confused.

“Nah man, it’s not important.” Tobin chuckles as her laughter dies down. “So what’s up?”

“Oh, well uh hold up.” Kelley says suddenly remembering why she found Tobin in the first place, begins digging through her backpack. “You’re over dating right?” Kelley asks, trying to fill the silence as she continues to search for the object. After a few beats of nothing, she looks up to see Tobin’s attention is no longer on her but on a blonde beauty down the hall. She sighs, rolling her eyes, “Tobin!” She smacks the brunette. 

“What, Kel?” Tobin glares at her for a moment before turning back to the girl down the hall.

“I asked if you were–” As Kelley continues to speak Tobin slowly begins walking away, presumably for the girl about to turn the corner into another hallway. “over the whole dating scene!” Kelley shouts, hoping Tobin will hear a word she says.

“Yeah, mmhm Kels, definitely! Hey, I’ll catch up with you later, aight?” And with that she speeds down the hall and out of sight.

Kelley finally yanks out Tobin’s wallet from the bottomless pit that is her backpack and lets out a deep sigh as she opens it.

“Sure you are, Tobs. That’s why you still have Alex’s picture in your wallet, right? Because you’re over the whole dating scene?” Kelley asks herself before tucking Tobin’s wallet away once again. When she looks up from her backpack she realizes she’s only got a few minutes left before her next class starts and curses herself. She zips up her backpack and runs down the hall, so quick that she doesn’t notice the girl standing dumbfounded by the picture she saw in her best friend’s wallet.

“Alex, let’s go! We’ll be late to Krum’s class if we don’t start running like right now!” Sydney’s urgency isn’t enough to get Kelley’s words out of Alex’s head but it is enough for her to follow her other best friend to their next class.

–

Alex’s days have been empty and uneventful since she left Christen to wake up by herself. No girl around her finger and no best friend by her side made everything so pointless. Christen had attempted to talk to her a few times right after the whole thing, but Alex made conversations short and tried her best to avoid her. Now she had to endure the broken gaze she’d feel in class and know it belonged to a girl whose heart she shouldn’t have hurt.

The only time Alex ever got to see Tobin was in the hallways and at soccer-related events. The season was coming to an end and it didn’t look like playoffs were in their team’s future, meaning Alex’s interactions and sightings of Tobin would become even more rare in the next few weeks. She’d catch Tobin’s laugh or her smile and feel something rising in her chest. She missed hearing it all the time. She missed being the one who made Tobin do those things. But with a turn of her cheek she’d notice a new girl on Tobin’s arm every time. No more Allison. No more Alex. The only constant in Tobin’s life seemed to be Kelley and strangely enough Alex was comforted by that because Tobin deserved someone who would always be there for her because Alex obviously couldn’t.

Life went on, though. In public Alex would laugh and smile and party like she was used to doing. Sydney quickly became the only unchanged thing that she could latch on to without question. She was always up for a party and not one of many deep talks, although knowing that if Alex really needed, she could talk to her. Parties, school and soccer were on repeat for Alex and she was thankful for every morning she woke up alone and clothes because she wasn’t sure she could see herself with anyone else but the one person who walked away from her.

“Al, she’s eye fucking you,” Sydney says at a party one night, motioning over to some brunette with soft grey eyes who was blatantly checking Alex out for what seemed like the millionth time that night.

Alex shrugs, taking another sip of her drink. “Not interested.”

Sydney frowns. She’s noticed Alex’s withdrawal. She’s also noticed how it happened the same time Tobin stopped being by Alex’s side for majority of the time. She’s noticed because she knows the best way to understand Alex is by her actions and not her words because her words either weren’t enough or didn’t mean much.

“You haven’t been interested in anyone in a while,” she points out with a quirk of an eyebrow. “I thought you lived for the fun in finding a new girl at parties.”

Alex sighs, her eyes looking not at Sydney but through her, as if she isn’t really there at all. “The game got boring, Syd. It’s all pointless anyway. What’s the point in trying to get a hold on someone when all you’ll do is let go?”

Sydney’s quiet for a moment, taking in Alex’s words. It’s rare that Alex gets philosophical, but when it does happen Sydney knows that the girl is going through something. So she tries to pry.

“Tobin’s never around anymore either.”

“I know Syd.” It comes out harsh and quick and Alex looks away because she knows her broken expression will be a tell-tale sign of everything that’s gone wrong. “I know she’s not.”

“Is she the reason you stopped?” Sydney asks softly, still pushing for answers because it’s the only way anything will ever be addressed.

“She walked away from me,” Alex admits, looking down. “She walked away when I actually wanted her to stay.”

Sydney knows she’s pushed enough for the night and lets it go. She’s okay with Alex’s answer because it confirms all she needs to know. It’d been obvious to her from the start that they’d both inevitabley fall for each other in the end. But it wasn’t obvious how it would work out.

Alex downs the rest of her drink and excuses herself to get another one. Drinking helps her forget and all she’s wanted to do since that night is forget. Maybe if she forgets enough, it never really happened. She started the game to get Tobin’s attention, to see if Tobin would tell her to stop because she’s been right next to Alex all along. But once Alex started, she couldn’t stop and Tobin - along with Alex’s feelings for Tobin - got lost in the mix of girls and parties and flirtations. It wasn’t until Tobin began to play the game better than Alex herself that jealousy started to peep. But it was pushed down the back of Alex’s mind, realizing she was too deep into the game to stop. She had hoped maybe they’d find a way back to each other in the end, but Alex’s mistake cost everything.

“I miss her,” she says to the random barista as she snatches her next drink.

The barista looks at her sympathetically and replies, “Don’t we all, sweetheart. Too bad they don’t miss us.”

Alex nods as she slowly makes her way back to Sydney. She’s sure Tobin doesn’t miss her at all.

“Come on, let’s go Tobs.”

Alex stutters in her path back to Sydney, freezing for a moment to see an exasperated Kelley tugging at Tobin’s arm. Hope is slowly walking over to them, an amused expression on her face. Alex watches as Kelley tugs again on Tobin, who Alex can tell is still slightly sober, but is quickly losing any common sense she has.

“Don’t touch me!” Tobin almost growls, tugging her arm away from Kelley. “I’m not going home with you!”

“You haven’t gone home after a party in a while,” Kelley points out. It’s a hit to Alex’s heart that she didn’t need. There was no question about what Kelley was suggesting.

“Shut up! I’m having fun,” Tobin slurs, stepping back from Kelley. She murmurs something Alex can’t understand and then walks away, swaying a little in her step.

Kelley lets out a tired sigh and looks back to Hope who’s just catching up. “I’ll be back! I’m going to try to get Tobin home,” she explains before running off to save Tobin from yet another mess with another girl.

“Good luck with that,” Hope replies, watching them from a moment before her eyes flutter to the ground.

Alex watches curiously as Hope bends down to pick up something that looks like a small booklet. The tall keeper yells after the smaller girl about Tobin dropping something and Alex’s curiosity increases at the knowledge that it belongs to Tobin. Hope opens it and peers in it for a moment before a look of pity crosses her face.

_What’s Hope looking at?_  Alex wonders, but the expression vanishes as Hope closes the object and tucks it into her pocket before searching for Kelley.

It isn’t until a few days later when Alex is already late to class that she hears Kelley talking to Tobin’s belongings that Alex understands what Hope was looking at. It wasn’t a booklet. It was Tobin’s wallet. The wallet Kelley had in her hands just a moment before. Her stomach churns after the defender walks away, words still sinking into Alex’s skin.

Suddenly Alex isn’t so sure that Tobin doesn’t miss her at all. Girls flew in and out of Tobin’s life, but it seemed like even if Alex wasn’t there, she still was. She blindly follows Sydney to their next class, but doesn’t pay much attention to her friend’s gossip due to Kelley’s words on repeat in her mind.

_“That’s why you still have Alex’s picture in your wallet, right? Because you’re over the whole dating scene?”_

–

Her hands are smooth and delicate, like a flower.

“So Rose,” Tobin starts as she presses a kiss to Rose’s knuckles, “I’ll see you soon?” It’s Tobin’s way of hooking a girl on, she’s baiting her and within seconds she’ll know if she’s caught her attention.

“Here, you call me and let me know if I will or not.” The blonde smirks as she writes her number down on Tobin’s palm.

As the girl walks away, unaware of the trap she’s falling into, Tobin smirks.

_This is getting too easy._

The thought amuses her but it also makes her realize just how boring the chase has become. Things were never this easy.

Tobin spends the next few minutes searching the lunch hall for a familiar face. Without finding it, she retreats to her normal lunch table.

_Honestly?_

Tobin thinks, chastising herself for not looking there first.

She finds Kelley entranced by the conversation she’s having with Hope.

Swiftly, Tobin swerves out of the seat she was about to take and makes her way down the table, ignoring the “hi’s” and “hey Tobs” that she gets as she passes her friends before putting her hand on Kelley’s shoulder.

“I am so sorry for interrupting your seemingly intriguing conversation, but I need to borrow Kelley for a second.” It’s the sweetest smile she could give as Kelley laughs and rolls her eyes at Tobin.

“I’ll be right back.” And with that Hope eyes Tobin for a second before nodding at Kelley and moving her attention toward Carli and her story about how some boy won’t ask her out.

When Tobin and Kelley take a few steps away from their friends, Kelley’s curiosity peaks,

“So what was so important that you had to talk to me about?”

Tobin opens her mouth to speak but her words fall flat. Her stomach turns with nerves about how Kelley will react and as much as she wants to know, her throat closes on her and she chokes.

She scratches the back of her neck as Kelley eyes her, waiting for her to say  _something_.

“Can we talk about this somewhere a little more–uuh not here?” The words come out strong and unbreakable, much like how Tobin hopes she comes off as. But her voice betrays her, breaking amidst her plea.Yet Kelley nods all the same.

Together they leave the lunch hall with the eyes of their friends burning holes into their backs.

When they find themselves a hallway down from the lunch hall Kelley spares no time in asking,

“Tob, what’s going on?” Tobin’s body is slouched forward and her hands are shoved deep into her pockets. She doesn’t even face Kelley when she answers,

“Do you know if I’m the uh—if anyone is still–” She scuffs her shoe against the floor, hoping it’ll reveal the words she’s trying to say. “Do you know if anyone else is still–”

“If Alex is still sleeping around?” Kelley finishes for her. Tobin’s stomach clenches a bit; Kelley would know, now a days Kelley  _always_  knows.

“Yeah.” Tobin breathes, finally turning her head to face her freckled comrade. The look Kelley gives her makes Tobin fall back onto the wall behind her. “I’m not some wounded dog, man.” Tobin says softly. So softly that Kelley barely catches it.

“I know, Tobs.” Kelley tries to reassure but she can’t say that she’s being entirely honest.

“Then don’t look at me like I am one.” Kelley is slightly taken aback by the soft grin on Tobin’s face but maybe that was Tobin’s way of asking for help?

Kelley sighs and runs her finds through her hair. Tobin’s so broken and it feels like she’s the only one who’s figured that out. Kelley feels her chest lurch, she can’t help Tobin, no one can. Only Tobin can piece herself together, but how can she do that if she can’t even see the pieces of herself missing?

“I don’t think we should be having this conversation, man.” Kelley starts, doing her best not to choke at the first sign of fear in her best friend’s eyes. “I can’t–and shouldn’t– be the one filling you in on Alex, you know that. Tob, talk to her. If you say that you’re over all of your drama with her, then you can talk to her.” It’s bait, Tobin knows that, but that doesn’t stop her from taking it.

“Kel, I _am_ over it. I just don’t want to talk to her.” The words squeeze through Tobin’s clenched teeth, her defenses high as ever. Her glare screaming words she could never speak to someone she cares about.

“Then why don’t you want to talk to her? If you’re really over it, it shouldn’t be a big deal.” Kelley presses.

Tobin feels something tighten in her and she no longer wants to be here, standing in front of Kelley, being drilled about something she didn’t want to talk about. So she leaves. “Kel, I’m out, believe whatever you want cause you’re not believing me.” And as she spins on her heel, she hears Kelley begin to speak,

“Tobin, don’t you dare walk away from me.” But Tobin does anyway, doing her best to tune her best friend out. “Would you just–can you stop running for like 10 seconds! Just stop running long enough to realize that you haven’t moved on?! Please, Tobin!” Kelley’s words ring louder and louder in Tobin’s ears so much that it’s dizzying. She clenches her teeth and holds her breath against her beating heart, repeating two words in her head,  _shut up_.

But Kelley continues.

“Tobin this isn’t okay anymore!”

_Shut up._

“You might have everyone else fooled Tobs, but you know damn well that you haven’t fooled me yet! Stop pretending to be okay and just let me in! I want to be here for you Tobin!”

_Shut. Up._

“Shit, Tobin! Stop fucking pushing people away! Because if you look close enough you’ll realize that some people aren’t going to leave the next morning!” Kelley shouts. She doesn’t care who hears them anymore. She’s tired, she can feel her heart in her throat and with each beat she screams an honesty Tobin hasn’t heard from her lips before. Kelley knows it must sting. Soon she feels her heart sink back into her lurching chest but with one last beat, Kelley breathes out, “Not everyone is like you and Alex.” she flinches as soon as she realizes what she’s just said.

_Shut. Up._

Tobin feels whatever it was in her snap. She doesn’t feel what happens next. She no longer feels how heavy her chest falls into itself. She can’t feel the pain of her heart beating. She can’t feel her anger, not now, not since she’s letting it all out.

“No, Kelley, not everyone is like me! Not everyone sleeps around because the girl they want to love is doing it too! I don’t see people doing this whole one night stand thing anymore and you know what good for them! So there, you’re right! I hope they find people to love that aren’t like me! So ta-fucking-da Kels! Are you happy?” Tobin shouts. She isn’t sure when or how she stopped moving forward, but then she realizes that she was never moving forward… That Kelley is _always_ right and that she was just running. Now she’s right back where she started, standing in front of Kelley.

Kelley feels each one of Tobin’s words stab into her chest as she tries to breathe through her guilt. She knows she shouldn’t have said what she did but it was too late to try and take it all back.

“I didn’t mean it like that.” Her voice is small. Yet, her eyes can’t seem to look up from the linoleum floor tile.

“You did.” Tobin states. “Say what you want Kelley, but please, don’t lie to me.” And Kelley was sure nothing could hurt her more than that. She isn’t sure what’s there left to say, when something clicks.

“Tobin if I can’t lie to you then why are you lying to yourself? Are you not just as important?” Kelley is slowly regaining some confidence as she watches Tobin’s face contort in thought.

“What?”

“You just told me not to lie to you, well then why are you lying to yourself?”

“How am I lying to myself?”

“You’re not over it, Tobs.”

“Kel–”

Kelley presses even harder the second time she says it. “You’re. Not. Over. I—”

“Damn it, Kelley! I am over it! I am over Alex!” Tobin yells, her patience worn thin.

“Bull shit.” Kelley calls before throwing something at Tobin. It slaps against her chest before falling to the ground. “You can’t tell me you’re over anything if you’ve still got Alex’s picture in there. Look, I know what I said Tobin but you’re going to have to stop lying to yourself so you can start healing.” And with that, Kelley turns and heads back to the lunch hall.

Tobin watches as her figure walks away and she doesn’t know if her chest hurts because yet another person she loves is walking away from her, or because Kelley threw her wallet at her pretty hard. Either way, she’s about to pick it up when she hears something that once against stops her.

“Get in and get out, right? Is that still your motto?”

Tobin can feel her heart panic as it beats faster than anyone has made it in a long time. She swallows down her rising panic and picks up her wallet and stands straight. Immediately she’s greeted by blue eyes and a gentle smile. Oh how she wishes she could reciprocate them.

“It’s always been my motto.” Her voice is flat but she cringes when she says it.

_She’s been standing in front of you for less than 30 seconds and you already manage to scew it up._

She misses Alex. She really does. But how can she let her defenses down on the one person who made her put them up in the first place?

–

Alex has been in and out of her lunch table’s conversation for the past five minutes as she often is every day now. This time it’s because Tobin’s entered the lunch room seeming to look for something or someone important. It’s a someone because Tobin’s eyes are searching for a face. There’s a minute speck of hope in Alex’s stomach that wants Tobin to be looking for her, but when Tobin begins to walk purposefully to another table - Kelley’s table - her stomach sinks to the bottom again.

“Al!” one of her friends calls. “Al, where are you?”

“Where are you looking?” another asks, trying to pinpoint Alex’s motives.

Sydney caught on to what Alex had been looking at as soon as her friend’s eyes had left the plate. She rolls her own eyes and shakes her head. “She’s looking for a new girl, guys. It’s Alex.”

They all share a laugh, continuing their own conversations. Alex’s gaze shifts to Sydney, who’s now snapping a teasing comeback at someone. She wonders if Sydney really knows what she was looking at. The side glance she gets from her a moment later answers Alex’s question.

Once everyone’s attention is averted from Alex, she looks up again. She spots Tobin and Kelley leaving the lunch room. From her posture, Alex can tell her old best friend is anxious. She’s curious to know what’s going on. And it’s been awhile since she’s heard from her, or from Kelley really.

A minute later, Alex has excused herself from her table, claiming she needed to use the restroom. She tries to figure out which direction they went in, but doesn’t have to think for long because she hears Kelley.

“Is Alex still sleeping around?”

At the mention of her name, Alex gets as close as she can without being seen. Her ears strain to hear their conversation. At the sound of Tobin’s confirmation, Alex’s stomach clenches.

_Tobin’s asking about me_.

The conversation strays from Tobin’s question, though, as it goes on to focus on Tobin and how she’s been doing this whole time. Alex listens, squeezing her eyes shut and shaking her head because she’s come to understand that this all started because of her.

It’s become a trainwreck of events that ruined the both of them when all Alex really wanted was Tobin. Somewhere along the way of finding new girls and pulling her into the game she played, Alex realized she wanted Tobin. It just took Alex too long to figure out that Tobin wanted Alex too.

Tobin and Kelley are beginning to move away, but their voices are raised so Alex can still hear. She decides to risk moving a little closer and hides in a given corner of a hallway, praying that neither of them look hard enough if they pass by.

She hears something being thrown.

“You can’t tell me you’re over anything if you’ve still got Alex’s picture in there. “

_The wallet. It’s the wallet._

She hears Kelley stomping away and holds her breath, praying she doesn’t get caugh. Successfully she manages to stay hidden and when Kelley’s passed by she slips out of her hiding spot and slowly walks over to Tobin.

Tobin’s bent over, about to pick up her wallet and it’s then that Alex notices just how broken Tobin really is. It’s evident in the way her face has fallen and her body doesn’t seem to be as energized as it once was.

_You’re a fuck up, Alex._

“Get in and get out, right? Is that still your motto?”

Alex knows it’s harsher than she intended, but she still felt like she needed to say the accusation. Tobin had been asking about her, but it was obvious the other girl was still sleeping around. She makes up for it with a soft smile.

“It’s always been my motto.”

There’s no chill in Tobin’s voice and her eyes look dull now. There’s no smile and it breaks Alex’s heart.

_Look at what you’ve done. Look what you did to her._

Alex looks at her for a moment and wonders how she let them get to this point. She wonders how she let the game get out of hand. She wonders how she just let Tobin slip away from her.

“It’s not mine anymore,” Alex offers, remembering what Tobin had been wondering. She hopes she answers the question enough for her to understand. “It hasn’t been for awhile.”

Tobin stares at her blankly for a moment and for a second Alex is scared she’s really lost her. They were like strangers now. It was like their friendship was shattered glass on the floor and they were left to tiptoe around it. Neither one knowing how many more cuts they could take.

“Really?” Tobin questions. “Since you realized not everyone falls for your tricks?”

Alex shakes her head, not letting Tobin’s snide comment break her resolve.

“Since I realized I’d played so many tricks on so many girls that the one girl I told the truth to didn’t believe me.”

Tobin’s staring at her now unsure what to say. There’s no venomous response on the tip of her tongue and she looks genuinely at a loss for words. Alex takes it as a sign to continue.

“I’m sorry,” she begins. “for being drunk.” Tobin looks like she’s about to say something, but Alex puts a hand up to stop her. “However,” she adds. “I’m not sorry for anything I said.”

Tobin scoffs. “Right.”

“Tobin,” Alex says gently. She takes a cautious step towards her and doesn’t take another when she sees the girl stiffen. “I’m fucked up Tobin. I’m so messed up. I started this whole thing to get your attention,” she admits looking away.

“What?” Tobin asks, giving her a confused look.

“I just…I wanted you to tell me to stop.” Alex explains, biting her lip. “To stop looking for girls. Stop trying to play games. I wanted you tell me I didn’t need to look for fun and games because you were right there.”

“Why didn’t you just say something?“

Tobin’s looking at her with her brows furrowed together. She’s trying to understand Alex, but she’s not sure she can without letting all her walls come down. That’s something she’s not quite ready for.

Alex shrugs, looking away. “I was scared you didn’t feel the same. Especially after you joined in and kept going. Every girl you hooked…it was like another sign I shouldn’t say anything.”

The older girl takes a long look at Alex. She’s trying to figure out whether to believe her or not. It’s not an easy decision, but Alex seems so open and honest right now that Tobin wants more than anything to believe her.

She wants more than anything to let Alex back in. Because life without her isn’t really a life worth much. Not without Alex’s bright, blue eyes, loud, careless laugh, gentle smile. Not without Alex, her best friend. The girl she fell in love with.

But her guard’s still up.

“How do I know you’re not lying? That this isn’t just another game because you got bored of how easy everything got so you’re trying something new?”

Despite the situation, Alex lets out a soft chuckle. “If this was a game,” she begins, taking another step closer to Tobin. “I wouldn’t be trying so hard.”

They’re close enough for Alex to really look into Tobin’s eyes and try to decipher what’s going on in the other girl’s mind. She can tell Tobin’s trying to read her like she used to be able to do so easily, but her eyes are clouded in confusion.

“I would’ve given up on trying when we had our falling out,” Alex continues, her voice softening.

“You weren’t trying before that,” Tobin says, her breathing trying to even because it hitched once she realized how close Alex was to her. They hadn’t been this close in forever.

“Because you had someone else,” Alex mumbles.

“Oh…”

Tobin looks away, unable to meet Alex’s gaze. Alison. She didn’t want to think about it. Honestly, she’d been unattached from Alison for awhile, but Alex bringing her up makes her stomach twist a little.

Alison, the girl who always was there in the morning. Alison, the one who showed Tobin stability after countless hook ups with girls she couldn’t even name. Alison, the one Tobin tried to love because she believed Alex’s words were a joke.

Alex can tell she’s starting to lose Tobin’s attention. If she wants to save anything between the two of them it’s now or never.

“Tobin,” she says barely above a whisper. They’re close enough so that Tobin can hear her. “I meant every word I said that night.”

Her hands are shaking as they find Tobin’s hips. Her forehead presses against Tobin’s. Initially, the older girl stiffens at the contact, but she doesn’t pull away so Alex takes it as a good sign. She can hear Tobin’s breathing clearly now and she knows Tobin isn’t the only one trying to keep a steady heartbeat.

“You are my dream girl. I can listen to you talk all day. And I can see myself falling for you. You’re the only one I can see myself falling in love with.”

Alex lets out a quiet laugh. “I think I’ve already started to.”

They’re staring at each other as Alex finishes her sentence. Blue eyes meet brown and they’re both so sure their heartbeats are so loud that it’s the only sound that fills the other’s ears. Alex’s eyes flicker to Tobin’s lips for a moment and she’s tempted to lean in, but she knows it might just be too much with everything she’s just laid out on the table.

“I need you in my life, Tobin. I need you more than anything. The choice is yours.”

It’s a gamble. Alex knows it is. But her mind is spinning from Tobin’s not-so-steady breathing and the feeling of holding her so close that she doesn’t even care. She just  _wants_  Tobin.

–

She’s trembling. Her heart is in her throat once again and it’s shaking, afraid to lose even more pieces of itself. Tobin can barely stand, let alone comprehend how to breathe - not with Alex this close - but somehow she manages.

She’s not entirely sure how they got here - with Alex’s hands on her hips and their foreheads pressed together - and she’s not sure how she feels about it, about all of this really. All she knows is how she felt the morning she woke up with Alex next to her.

_That was a morning I would die to have again…._

The memory leaves such a sweet taste in her mouth, only to turn bitter by how angry she felt when she remembered the night before.

_But it was a misunderstanding.. She meant it… She meant every word…._

Tobin’s mind races as her body continues to tremble. It’s all so overwhelming and when Alex looks in her eyes waiting for her answer, Tobin crumbles.

She lets her head fall to Alex’s shoulder, wrapping her hands around the younger girl’s waist and pulling her close. There they were, pressed against each other in the middle of the hallway, hearts beating erratically out of tune.

Alex’s brows furrow when she feels Tobin mumble something into her shoulder. “You’re mumbling.” She says with a light chuckle, turning her head to bury her face in Tobin’s hair.

Alex is speaking right into Tobin’s ear and when she hears the chuckle Tobin is surprised her knees didn’t give out. But she swallows her heart down and presses her eyes shut.

“I think I love you, Lex.” Tobin breathes. Her voice cracks as she confesses but she doesn’t care, Alex needs to know. So she stands there, with Alex in her arms, eyes shut tight, breath ceased in the moment.

That only lasts so long.

Because within seconds Alex pulls back so she can look Tobin in the eyes. She isn’t sure if what she heard was right and if it was, she wants to see her say it. God does she want to hear her say it. To watch as her lips form every letter, every word. She wants to see the honesty oozes out of Tobin’s gaze as she tells her.

“What?” Alex gasps. Her heart is racing and she feels the world around them spinning but she doesn’t care, her attention solely Tobin’s. “Say it again, please.” She begs.

Tobin tries, she really does, but her words have found themselves pressed against her throat. Even Alex’s plea can’t get it out of her.

“I–I–I can’t.” Tobin recedes, her attention dropping to the floor. The small bit of confidence she had left was swallowed down with the words she couldn’t say. Her wrists ache with the agonizingly intense thump of her lifelines. Every thump felt like a self inflicted punch, and sure enough what she was doing was causing harm. Especially when she chooses to look back up to see the pain on Alex’s face.

“I just can’t because–” Tobin tries to defend herself, pulling her hands up to hold Alex’s face. “I can’t.” She breathes slowly, tasting each word as they pass her lips.

Alex’s expression softens as Tobin’s hands hold her.

_She’s so close._

Alex knows she shouldn’t. She knows that it’s taken so much for them to get to where they are now and she knows that a simple kiss could spiral them into an even bigger mess. But when she sees Tobin’s eyes flicker to her lips, she can’t help but lean in for just a second

That’s all it took.

A second was all it took for Tobin to lean in too.

“N–no!” Tobin panics, pulling away frantically. Their lips were so close to touching before Tobin realized what was about to happen. “We can’t do this! We shouldn’t do this!” Tobin says, more for herself than for Alex.

Alex’s doesn’t know how to feel. Two seconds ago she was about to kiss the girl she might be in love with and now she’s standing almost two feet away from her, watching as she panics over a kiss that almost happened. A kiss that  _didn’t_  happened.

“Why not?” Alex asks, she doesn’t mean to come off the way she does but it’s a smidge too aggressive and she knows that. So does Tobin. She stops pacing and panicking, instead she stands in place and looks at Alex as if the girl killed her family.

“Why not?” Tobin scoffs. “Because this!” Tobin thrusts her hand out. It’s smudged but Alex can make it out. It’s Rose’s phone number.

“A phone number, Tobin?” Alex spits out. She feels her anger rise with her confusion and she doesn’t know what to do about it aside from the fact that she wants to let it out. “What is she your girlfriend or something?” Alex practically growls.

“Wha–what?!” Tobin asks, dumbfounded by the assumption. “No! Of course not!” It takes her a few seconds before she finally calms down enough to look at Alex, to see how upset the girl is now.

_Tobin fix this. Just be honest and let her know what you’re thinking. If anyone is to know, it’s her and you know it._

She lets her shoulders fall upon the realization. She can’t imagine how Alex feels right now and she prays she never gets the chance to know. It was all happening so soon and so sudden. It’s suffocating.

“Then why is that number so important, Tobin?!” Alex asks, her anger rising. That is, until she notices how Tobin’s body has softened. How she looks at her with a gentle gaze.

“Because it’s who I am, Alex.” It’s so simple. So simple that it stumps Alex.

“What are you talking about, Tobs?” She asks, folding her arms across her chest.

Tobin just shrugs, her mind finally working enough to help her out. “Alex, it’s who I am. I sleep around, I’m guarded and I’m filthy and I’m just–I’m not happy. I’m not happy with myself.”

Alex opens her mouth to counter but Tobin takes over again.

“You deserve so much more, Alex. You deserve gold and I’m not that.” Alex feels her heart lurch when Tobin laughs at herself.

“Tobin.” Alex breathes.

“No, Lex, seriously. You deserve treasure and I’m trash. Look,” Tobin gestures to her palm. “I’m filthy, Lex.” Tobin tries her best to laugh it off but she isn’t as convincing as she thinks she is.

“Tobin, a phone number doesn’t make you filthy. Hell, if you’re filthy then I’m just as filthy.” As Alex tries to stand her ground, Tobin shakes her head.

“No, Lex, see you’re perfect.” Tobin’s eyes are locked onto Alex’s as she speaks and Alex’s breath catches in her throat. She can’t remember the last time she’s seen such a fierceness in her best friend’s eyes.

“You’re everything and you deserve everything.” Tobin states. Her chest burns with a ferocity unknown to her but she likes it. For once, she feels in control.

Alex isn’t sure where this is going but she prays Tobin doesn’t do what she thinks Tobin will do.

_Tobin Heath. You can’t get away from me that easily. If you think I’ll let you go, think again._

Alex’s thoughts say what she has yet to vocalize but she won’t let Tobin stop them from being together.

With a few steps, Tobin stands in front of Alex and just looks at her, really looks at her; she’s left breathless.

“You are beautiful.” Tobin’s eyes are still trained on Alex’s when she tells her and she can’t stop smiling in disbelief. “God you’re beautiful.”

Alex’s brows are furrowed and she can’t help but laugh.

_We’re freaks, what is happening right now?_

Tobin cups Alex’s cheeks once again before letting her hands trail down the younger girl’s toned arms.“Alex, you deserve so much–”

“You’ve said that already.” Tobin squeezes Alex’s hands as she holds them in her own, letting her know that she’s not done. So Alex purses her smiling lips together and lets Tobin continue.

“And I’m going to be one of those things. One of the things you deserve. I promise you that, okay?” Tobin smiles, its heavy but it’s a smile none the less. “One day I’ll be happy. Happy with my life, with myself, with everything. That’s when, Lex, that’s when I’ll finally be able to be good enough for you.”

“You’re already good enough for me Tobin, why can’t you see that?” Alex pleads with a soft smile, begging for Tobin to believe her.

Tobin’s thumbs run circles on Alex’s cheeks as she shakes her head. “No, I’m not.” Tobin knows that though this conversation revealed so much to them, it doesn’t give them the green light that lets them be together. Not yet, at least. Tobin has too many ties and she knows that, they both do. “I have to fix me before I can be with you but I promise, we’ll have our time, Lex.”

Alex’s heart aches with a pain she’s never felt before. She feels like she’s drowning.

“Tobin, promises are meant to be broken.” She croaks out, once again moving to press her forehead against Tobin’s. She laces their fingers together and questions how she’s gone so long without experiencing it. Tears form in her eyes as she sniffs once or twice against the sting.

“Then hey,” Tobin kisses Alex’s forehead. “If I break my promise then who knows, maybe I’ll be the only thing you deserve.” Tobin laughs and so does Alex. “What a shame though, someone as perfect as you, only deserving someone like me. I’m so sorry.” She laughs again but this time Alex isn’t.

“I don’t see how that’s a bad thing.” Alex whispers, her breath heavy with desire. “Tobin I want you. I want you to  _be with_  me right now but if you aren’t ready then I won’t rush you. Just know that I’ll always be here waiting.”

“No. Please, don’t do that. Just–hey! Stop being so stubborn and let me finish!” Tobin laughs as she talks over Alex’s objections. “Don’t wait, okay? Just be happy. Be happy being single and beautiful and amazing and perfect an–”

“Tob, I get it.” Alex laughs holding Tobin even closer than before.

“Sorry, uhm, yeah lets just be us for now. Then when the time is right, we’ll see what life has in store of _us_ , okay?” But before Alex could answer, the bell interrupts them, ringing in inches, feet, space between the two until they were no long touching.

With a heavy heart, Alex agrees knowing it’s best. “Okay.”

Soon the two are separated by bodies walking passed them, headed for their next class, moving forward.

But the two never break their gaze.

_One day._

They both think. And with a shrug, Tobin grins, “So, I’ll be seeing you.”

“Soon. You’ll be seeing me soon.” Alex corrects eagerly, not even embarrassed by how fast she responded.

Then just like that, she watches as Tobin walks off, moving forward.

–

“I’m going to kill you!”

Tobin lets out a careless laugh, watching her small, freckled friend turn a crimson red. She looks from Kelley to Hope who has a very amused look on her face, and her eyes are only on the shortest girl.

“Better run, Tobin. She looks like she’s showing no mercy,” Hope suggests, chuckling a bit as she says it.

Tobin rolls her eyes, waving her off. “No, I’m–GOTTA GO!” She yells, seeing Kelley making a beeline for her.

Quickly, she’s off to a sprint to the front doors of the school, checking behind her to see Kelley not showing signs of slowing down. Tobin has a mega-watt grin on her face and she can’t help but laugh again. It feels good to laugh. To really laugh. With no false pretenses or appearances to keep up.

Tobin dodges students left and right, finally being able to burst through the doors of the school.

“Sorry!” she calls after knocking someone’s book down.

“Tobin!” Kelley yells, sounding closer.

“Shit,” Tobin hisses, but a smile’s still on her face.

She slowly smirks as she starts running through people, making it harder for Kelley to keep up. Finally, she sees a group of her teammates standing around the door of the cafeteria and thinks she can make it and hide behind them before Kelley catches up.

Tobin’s running with her hair whipping her face every few seconds and she dodges another student on her way. She looks back to see Kelley a good pace behind her and laughs, but as she turns around she feels her body collide with someone and soon two bodies are on the ground.

“Whoops,” Tobin says, trying to catch her breath from running. “Sorry,” she breathlessly adds, pushing hair out of her face.

She gets a melodic laugh in response. Tobin freezes because she knows that laugh. It’s the laugh she’s heard from afar for weeks now. Slowly she turns her head and her breath catches at who she finds below her.

“Hi,” a raspy voice greets, blue eyes sparkling as they look up to meet Tobin.

“Hey,” she whispers back, hands on either side of Alex’s head. She’s hovering over Alex and she knows they should probably get up, but the view’s just too good.

Tobin’s changed. She knows she has. She can feel it when she wakes up every morning. There’s no desire to mess with someone else. There’s no need to get a quick fix. She hasn’t flirted with a girl since she scrubbed off Rose’s number quickly after walking away from Alex with a promise of being better.

She’s single and stable and happy with her friends. She feels lighter somehow. There’s no burdens on her back. It’s something she could get used to.

“HA! Tobin, you idiot! Only you would trip over–”

Kelley’s finally caught up with her and it causes her, as well as Alex, to break out of their trance. Tobin’s quick to jump up off the floor and extends a hand to Alex for help. Alex takes her hand and the feeling of their hands together is a telltale sign for both of them that this is supposed to be happening.

“Um,” Kelley starts, trying to hide a smirk and both Alex and Tobin want to kill her for it. “I’m just gonna go…” she says slowly, taking a step back. “See you in class!”

Without another word Kelley’s scattered off, leaving the two of them alone again. Neither has made a motion to remove their hand. Both their hearts are beginning to pick up their pace and it’s Alex that laughs first.

“What?” Tobin asks, quirking an eyebrow. She can’t help but let a goofy smile slip.

“Nothing,” Alex shakes her head, bright eyes focused on Tobin. “I just…How are you?”

Patience was truly a test for Alex in the past weeks. She understands that Tobin felt the need to clean her act up. If she really thought about it, Alex did the same thing many nights ago when Tobin had really walked away from her. She treasured the moments she’d see Tobin in the halls in the passing weeks to get her by. But having Tobin right in front of her was almost too much for Alex.

Forcing distance between her and Tobin almost made her forget just how intoxicating it was to be this close together. Almost.

“Great,” Tobin replies, and by the sparkle in her eyes and the smile on her face, Alex knows it’s not a lie.

It’s the pure truth and it’s evident in the way Tobin’s acting. And the way she hasn’t let go of Alex’s hand.

“That’s good,” Alex nods, biting her lips in anticipation.

Tobin’s restless and excited, and she’s one hundred percent sure it’s because Alex is right in front of her. She slips her hand out of Alex’s, opting to place it on Alex’s hip instead. Alex looks at her with a confused expression, but Tobin only smirks guiding Alex backwards until her back hits the wall.

Alex’s breath hitches and her eyes are searching Tobin’s face for any signs of what she’s doing. Suddenly Tobin’s other hand is caressing Alex’s face gently. The younger girl bites her lip. She’s seen Tobin do this so many times before.

“So…do you come here often?” Tobin asks in a voice barely above a whisper. There’s a soft husk in her tone that hasn’t come out in a while.

Alex tries her best not to laugh, but she’ll play along anyway. She always does when it comes to Tobin. “Sometimes,” she says, smirking. “You?”

“Only if I run into gorgeous girls like you,” Tobin replies with a raise of her eyebrows.

Alex giggles. “You’re in luck then.”

“Yeah, I am.”

“You know,” Alex clears her throat doing her best to suppress her smile. “I thought you’d be better at this considering how many girls fell for it.” And it’s the look that she gives Tobin that drives the older girl crazy. She’s egging her on, Tobin knows she is and she loves it. “But I don’t think it’s  _that_  great of a pull.” Tobin’s left gawking as Alex pretends as if she didn’t just make fun of Tobin’s terrible antics.

“Well I mean, you’re here.” Tobin states with a laugh, “So it must’ve worked on you.” The older girl takes a strand of Alex’s hair and twirls it around her finger, completely aware that Alex is watching her with that gleam in her eye. “So, I’d say it’s pretty great if it reels in a catch like you.”

Alex can’t believe what she’s hearing. She can’t take it anymore and busts out laughing as Tobin just lets her head press against the wall she’s on.

“I thought I was being pretty smooth.” Tobin fake pouts as she mumbles against the wall. Alex rolls her eyes and spins off the wall and takes Tobin’s hand, pulling the midfielder off the wall and towards her.

Alex just laughs and shrugs, “I guess it was–” but her words fall short when she finally notices how Tobin is looking at her. The midfielder brings her hand up and once again begins caressing Alex’s cheek, her thumb running circles over her cheekbone.

Alex’s breath stills and so does Tobin’s.

She stops caressing Alex’s cheek to intertwine their fingers together, pressing her forehead against Alex’s. Her breathing slows as Alex becomes the only thing that her mind can focus on.

They both know what’s happening.

_It’s time_.

—-

Hallways away from Alex and Tobin’s encounter Kelley has one of her own.

The freckled dumb walks up to her locker, humming through her smirk when Hope asks, “What’s got you so happy? Did you catch up with Tobin?”

Kelley cheeses and nods, “Yes and no.” She smiles for a few more seconds before noticing Hope’s confused look.

“Are you going to tell me?” Hope asks with a laugh.

The smaller girl closes her locker and with an ever growing smile, answers, “Oh you bet I wi–hello!” Something surprises Kelley with a firm pat.

“See you in 5th period, Kelley.” Christen says with a laugh and a wink as she continues to talk passed the pair.

Kelley swallows hard before looking Hope and she can’t say she didn’t expect the daggers staring into her eyes but even expecting them doesn’t prepare her for the real thing.

“Did she just–”

“Smack my butt? No!?” Kelley finishes for Hope but there was definitely hand to butt contact between her and the not-so-new-girl. Hope gives her a once over with a look that makes Kelley feel disgusting and in need of a shower, before leaving the defender where she stands.

“Hope! Ho–oh c’mon! Hey!” Kelley yells as she tries to catch up with Hope. “I’m not about any of that! You of all people should know that!”

“Shut up, Kelley.” Hope deadpans.

Alex and Tobin are walking hand in hand to their next class when they hear Kelley screaming after Hope.

“It was just a friendly pat! Like a ‘hi how ya doin’ type of thing!” Kelley’s cries as Hope continues to ignore her. Kelley groans and huffs before trying again. “Oh c’mon! I don’t even know Christen that well!”

“Is that why she smacked your butt?” Hope counters with a risen eyebrow.

Tobin looks over at Alex the same time she does and the two share a knowing look before busting out in a fit of laughter and cackles.

“Get in and get out right, babe?”


End file.
